Number 6: They Gaslight you in subtle ways.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person tries to convince another that their version of reality is false or that they’re crazy. Gaslighting can occur when someone keeps telling you that you’re wrong about something or that you misunderstood them. Covert narcissists are experts at gaslighting, and they do it in subtle ways: They make it seem like you’re crazy for thinking what you think or feeling how you feel. Still, they never give you the information needed to understand their point of view.
Covert narcissists will often go about this more subtly, simply contradicting everything that comes from your mouth. They might say something like: “You’re so confused” or “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” This is a way of making you feel like you’re crazy and that they are in control of the situation. The more they do this, the more likely you are to believe them and feel like you’re going crazy when it’s just how they operate.
Number 7: They are obsessed with their reputation.
Covert narcissists are obsessed with their reputation but are also experts at hiding it. They’ll do whatever it takes to keep up their facade of perfection, even if that means lying to everyone around them and pretending to be someone they’re not. Narcissists might exaggerate a little about how much money they make at work or say that someone else did something wrong when they made a mistake.
Covert narcissists love to be praised and admired by others; they crave the attention and recognition they get from those around them. Still, narcissists also want to feel like they’re making other people happy by giving them attention. So, instead of going after what they want directly, they manipulate others into giving it to them indirectly by acting like a good person.
Number 8: They are not genuinely interested in anyone.
Covert narcissists are not genuinely interested in anyone else; they’re only interested in themselves. They’ll use whatever means necessary to ensure they’re the center of attention: This can include lying, exaggerating, and making up stories about themselves. Covert narcissists are extraordinarily self-centered and have little regard for others’ feelings.
Narcissists pretend to be interested, but they’re just using you as a means to an end. They may do things like act interested in your problems but offer no helpful Solutions or advice. They may also tell you all about their achievement and success, but not ask about yours. They’re always looking for someone who will make them feel good about themselves, so they can get what they want out of life without putting any work into it.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
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