4. Distance Yourself.
In so much as you are able, as quietly as you can manage with as little drama and trauma as possible, remove yourself from the dynamic and do not look back. Nothing changes with these people. And once they know the gig is up and you’re on onto them, there is no turning back, you will forever be a threat. They will always be at risk of their false persona being exposed for what it is. You now have a target on your back. So, friends, it doesn’t get any better from here.
Distance and boundaries will be your best friend now. And if you want to learn more about how to set boundaries with a narcissist in a way that works, you can read this article here.
5. Expect Passive-Aggressive.
Covert narcissists tend to have a lot of people believing their narrative and buying into this false persona. Namely, the “I’m such a super-duper human act.” And because of that, they have a lot at stake, a lot to lose. So they have everything to gain by making you the villain to their victim, and they’re willing to do and say whatever it takes to make you look bad.
Unlike the more overt and grandiose narcissist who will take you on head-on, the covert narcissist is much more cowardly, manipulative, and sneaky. Meaning, when it comes to payback, they’ll do it in a way that protects their nice girl or good-guy image. My grandmother used to say, “no matter what, they always come up smelling like roses.” And although I didn’t know it at the time looking back, she was talking about covert narcissists. That’s the aim of the covert narcissist.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men – by Lundy Bancroft.
No matter how they’ve behaved, they’ll have their captive audience and little entourage all convinced that they’re the one who has been treated poorly and victimized. They’ll have people saying things like: “They’re their poor thing. She or he is such a big, bad meanie.” And that right there is GRADE A narcissistic supply for a covert narcissist. They’re literally willing to go to any lengths to get that type of narcissistic supply.
So know this, when you start triggering their insecurities without even realizing you’ve done so, just by showing up and being you, knowing things they don’t know, doing things they can’t do, they won’t come at you head-on. Rather, what they’ll do is set you up to look bad and they have a million passive, aggressive ways up their sleeve to do that. Then they’ll claim to be so innocent and have no idea what you mean.
So unless you enjoy being gaslighted, save your breath and just walk away quietly. Leave the dynamic. You are fully dealing with a tar baby here. And again, it doesn’t get better. So the best thing you can do is not engage anymore, ever again at all. I promise you, you’ll be much better off, which leads me to my next point.
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