2. Have Realistic Expectations.
When you identify that you’re dealing with a covert narcissist and things start going sideways, don’t expect this person to understand your position, see your side of things, hear you, or get it. Don’t expect to be able to reason with them or work it out. Don’t expect this person to be real, genuine, authentic, or honest. Everything about the covert narcissist is a performance. They carry deeply buried feelings of shame, insecurity, inferiority, and inadequacy.
And because of that, they are terrified that if others found out who they really are, they’d be completely rejected and abandoned. So to avoid what would surely end in painful rejection, they present with this shy, meek, timid, and reserved persona, and prefer to be seen as a victim, even to circumstances that they themselves create and perpetuate.
So understand that you’re not dealing with a well-adjusted adult who has the capacity to sit down and work things out with you. If you aren’t willing to support them and perpetuate their false persona, they worked so hard to convince everyone as the truth of who they are, you will be attacked covertly of course. Don’t set yourself up for that unnecessarily.
3. Cut Your Losses.
Accept the reality that you’ve invested in a counterfeit relationship, painful and disappointing as that may be, it wasn’t real. No matter how genuine your intent may have been, theirs was not. Accept that reality for what it is and cut your losses. They don’t have the emotional or psychological equipment necessary to be real and genuine.
And because they’re operating from such a fragile false persona, no matter what has gone on, what they’ve done or not done, you will always be the problem, the issue, and the one at fault, you know, because they’re so innocent, right? Do not assume that because you’re telling the truth, making sense, showing up with facts, having all manner of proof or any of that will help you when you’re trying to get through to a covert narcissist.
One of their favorite manipulation tactics is the circular, mind-bending, never-ending, crazy-making conversation that goes nowhere fast. No matter how hard you try, how hard you work to improve your communication skills, how much time, energy, and effort you pour into it, they will not hear you, and further, they enjoy it, they like it a lot. They’re being fed, your vital life force energy while all of this is going on. So do yourself a favor, don’t go there.
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