Number 4: You move on.
I have talked to hundreds of survivors, and so often I hear the same thing. I had totally moved on. I was literally starting to feel better. I wasn’t ruminating. I wasn’t still upset about things anymore. I was going forward with my life. And then, and only then, did I get hoovered. Literally, the same thing happened to me. So it’s like they wake up and say, “Huh, I can tell they’re feeling better. Let me hit them with one of those random ‘I miss you’ texts and throw off their whole f*cking day and send them into a tailspin.” And this is the part of the disorder, one of many parts that I can admit I don’t fully understand, as mentally I just don’t work this way. They’re so over us. They lie. They cheat. They steal. And in some cases, we offer them so little. By the end of things, it’s like we wonder what the hell is even happening. We offer them nothing, and yet they don’t leave us.
Narcissists aren’t going to tell you that these things hurt them. Well, most won’t because that would be a pride issue and an ego issue. They’re going to try to be the tough guy, the emotionless chick, the hard as*s. So remember that while these things on my list here do hurt them, they will still move on to somebody else looking for the impossible perfection, looking for happiness. This is the way it goes. This is the way of the cycle.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
So I don’t want anyone to think that any of these things on the list changes a narcissist into a better person or that the narcissist will chase you forever. They won’t. They’re going to think about these things. They’re going to reflect back on these things, and it’s going to bother them. But they do move on. They stop chasing. They have to. This isn’t a list of things that you necessarily even have to do to a narcissist. You just need to leave the relationship, heal, and do things for you. This isn’t a list about how to be petty. This is just to show that there are things that hurt them, there are things that hurt them for a very long time, and they’re probably not going to share that with you.
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