#1. Charm.
The charm offensive: it’s the narcissist’s opening act. It’s like they’ve suddenly remembered all your favorite things about them and they’ll turn on the charisma like a faucet, full blast. You might get random texts with inside jokes or sentimental pictures, or they’ll accidentally run into you in what I call the chance encounter. This isn’t quite the love bombing you saw at the start; it’s more subtle and more calculated. They’re not trying to sweep you off your feet; they’re aiming for nostalgia. They want you to doubt your decision to cut them off, to think maybe they’ve changed. Or, you know what, maybe I’m overreacting, maybe it wasn’t so bad.
But here’s the sad reality: this charm is about as shallow as a puddle. It’s all surface and no substance. They haven’t changed; they’re just putting on their best mask, hoping you’ll fall for it one more time. And if charm doesn’t work, no worries, they’ve got other tricks up their sleeve. At this point, just remember, it’s a game of cat and mouse. They don’t actually believe they’ve lost yet, and they might even be enjoying the chase.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
#2. The bait of closure.
If the charm doesn’t come out first, you might even be on the receiving end of the bait of closure. Just when you think you’re free, they’ll dangle this carrot. It might sound something like, ‘I think we both deserve closure,’ or maybe, ‘You know what, I owe you an explanation.’ And it sounds reasonable, even mature. But don’t be fooled. This isn’t about giving you peace of mind; it’s about cracking open the door you’ve shut. And you think they’re offering answers to all the things you’ve been craving. But here’s the catch: with a narcissist, real closure is as rare as a unicorn. That heartfelt conversation you’re imagining? It’s a mirage. What’s behind door is nothing more than another chance to mess with your head.
So they might admit some minor faults just to seem sincere, but it’s all part of the script. They’re probing for weak spots, looking for ways to worm their way back into your life. And yes, part of you might want to take the bait. That’s normal; we’re hardwired to seek resolution. But with these masters of manipulation, that resolution will always be just out of reach. It’s really important to acknowledge and understand that real, true closure has to come from within. It’s about accepting what happened and choosing to move forward. You don’t need their permission or their explanation to heal. So when they come knocking with promises of closure, see it for what it is: another manipulation tactic. Maintain your silence.
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