2. Explain your boundaries to the narcissist.
Explain your boundaries to the narcissist and be careful to not justify or explain and defend yourself. This is a trap and an attempt to confuse you as well as extract narcissistic supply. Remember, narcissists, aren’t learning-disabled, they understand the English language. If they bait you into a discussion to defend yourself, especially if you’re new at this, they are going to confuse you, make you feel guilty, and make you feel unjustified. You do not owe the narcissist an explanation unless you want to give them one.
And in those cases, one explanation is all they need. This is your life. You have a god-given right to implement and enforce any boundaries that you deem necessary. No matter how ridiculous, stupid, or overwhelming, the narcissist tries to convince you that they are. If and when this happens, implement the observe, don’t absorb technique, and stay strong. If you bend your boundaries, they will never take you seriously. Not to mention, it puts you right back under their control, and that is never a good idea.
3. Take the bully by the horns.
Next, and if necessary, take the bully by the horns. Meaning, name what is happening, while it’s happening. Part of your healing is going to be educating yourself in the manipulation and abuse tactics that the narcissist has been using on you for probably years. So when they start in on you, be aware. And when you witness them gaslighting, blame-shifting, guilt-tripping, or whatever. Name it.
Something I did with my own mother recently, was when she tried to guilt-trip me and make me pity her into doing what she wanted. And I explained to her exactly what she was doing, and I informed her that these tactics are manipulative and abusive in nature and that they no longer had any power over me. Therefore, she will either rise to the occasion of my boundaries, if she wants to be a part of my life or she won’t. But my boundaries aren’t negotiable, No matter how much guilt and pity she throws my way.
Remember, narcissists, need to win. They want to outsmart and one-up you at all times. Do not take the bait. Your power lies in stating your case once and then disengaging. Do not let them bait and subject you to an argument or loads and loads of word salad in gaslighting.
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