7. Remain firm in your resolve to be who you are, calmly.
Now obviously, you still want to have your sense of boundaries, which means that you have a definition of who you want to be. And it means you have stipulations and consequences and parameters that you will and will not operate with. Let that be who you are. And frankly, when you have that calm sense of internal confidence, that becomes kryptonite to the narcissist. They’re over there thinking, ‘Hey, didn’t you get the memo? You’re supposed to be intimidated by me. You ought to, you need to be defending yourself, don’t you know?’
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
But what if you were to think, ‘No, I’m not intimidated. Nor do I feel the need to defend myself. I actually do find you, the narcissist, to be offensive.’ You don’t have to necessarily say it out loud, but I’m a realist. All of my past efforts to reform you, the narcissist, have failed. It falls flat. You’re not teachable. I get it. But neither is your opinion as relevant as you want me to think that it is. I’m too far down the road towards the maturation process to be pulled off by your childish antics and your power play. So if you think that I’m going to be a participant in all of that, you have it wrong.
And so in your mind, I’m hoping you can think, ‘My healthy demeanor is going to be my ultimate way of putting that person in their place. I’m on Team Healthy, and that other individual’s manner of life does not match where I am. I’m hoping that instead of taking the ‘kick them in the shins just like they kick you in the shins’ approach is something that you’ll bypass. Like I said, it’s an option, but I don’t want to go into the same space that they’re in. I’m hoping that you can stand in your own dignity, respect, and civility. And as you do, then that becomes your way of indicating, Mr. Mrs. Narcissist, you don’t have power over me. Sorry, you’re gonna need to go find a new target. I’m not gonna be that for you.’
Read More: 10 Behaviors That Give Supply to a Narcissist.
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