1. Refuse to give them attention.
Now, I do want to give you a way that you can put that narcissist in their place, but it has nothing to do with beating them at their own game. It has everything to do with saying, ‘I’m not going to play the game in the first place.’ Now, let’s keep in mind, first and foremost, narcissists crave your attention. They need you as an audience. And when you do that, it allows them to have a platform, a stage to perform upon. So first and foremost, if you want to let that narcissist know, ‘I’m going to put you in your place,’ refuse to give them the attention that they crave.
Recognize that when you go into an argumentative counter-style with a narcissist, it actually gives them a form of credibility. By arguing your point, it’s your way of implying what you think matters. But guess what? It doesn’t. These people are going to be argumentative, stubborn, and controlling regardless of who’s on the stage with them. It’s just who they are. And I’m hoping you can decide that style of living is not relevant to me. That narcissistic attitude is not something that I take my cues from.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
2. Don’t go into their space.
Now, they don’t know what to do with that, but basically, you refuse to engage. They want your participation. They’re over there thinking, ‘Please, give me the opportunity to prove how superior I am.’ And to do that, you would have to be in this inferior position as you attempt to get in their good graces. It’s like, ‘I’m in no one’s inferior position, and I don’t have to be in your good graces. My best strategy is to simply be me.’
You’re dealing with a junkie, an emotional, psychological junkie. They’re seeking supply from you, and the more you engage with them in all of your counter-arguments, you’re giving them the supply. And I’m thinking, ‘No, I’m not going to be an enabler like that. I’m not going into that game.’ Now, there are implications when you’re able to take this kind of mindset. For example, when they show contempt toward you, which they will, let your demeanor illustrate you’re not laid low. It’s like, ‘Oh, well, you have contemptuous feelings towards me. If anything, all that does, all that proves is you’re an emotionally immature person, and I’m sorry you feel so badly. That’s not my problem to solve.’
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