Number 5: When you do not feed them any supply.
When you do not feed them anything, any emotion, and when you become very bland in confrontations and conversations. A narcissist survives and thrives on supply. The supply can be positive or negative, they have to get it. It could be your positive attention, your admiration, and adulation, or it could be your anger. It could be your sadness. It could be your resentment. Anything is what they depend on.
Because when they get an emotional reaction from you, they feel in control. And when they feel in control, they feel better about themselves. It’s a very parasitic way of living. They depend on you more than how much you are dependent on them. So when you do not give them any reaction, when you do not give them any emotional fuel, when you become as boring as a grey rock. In fact, if you do the grey rocking thing, the technique, if you apply it, it shocks them to their core and some of them react and try to push you harder to get something from you, and others leave you alone because it becomes boring for them.
There is no excitement, there is no emotional intensity, and there is no chaos. There is no high they could achieve from abusing you. So the more boring you are, the more they are repelled by you or triggered by you because they can’t stand being ignored that way. It’s again a form of powerlessness that they deeply feel and is triggered by your unemotional responses.
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Number 6: When you start living your best life and you start thriving without them.
A narcissist wants you to be dependent on them all the time. They believe and want you to believe that you are nothing without them. They want you to stay in the dungeons of control and darkness forever. They want you to be and feel broken forever. They can’t see you emerge from your ashes like a phoenix. They can’t see you rising.
But when you do all of that, when you heal after narcissistic abuse, when you rise from your ashes, like a phoenix, when you embrace yourself, your experiences. When you accept yourself as a human being, when you release that self-doubt that they put in you, when you let go of the negative beliefs, that negative feeling that they installed in your psyche, you become a symbol of freedom. And that means you become kryptonite for a narcissist.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
A narcissist can’t see you shining, that dims them, that basically repels that darkness away. So when they see you shining, when they see you emerging, when they see you healing, when they see you becoming your greatest version possible after narcissistic abuse, it is one of the biggest defeats for the narcissist. It again makes them question all of the assumed things and qualities they believe about themselves. Things like omnipotence, things like being all-powerful, knowing it all, and stuff like that. That is put to question in combination because you have proved them wrong and they can’t stand it.
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