Number 1: Pride.
“Sorry, I just think it’s best for both of us if I stay away from you from now on.” Ouch! That can really hurt someone’s pride”. Pride is a big reason why the narcissist is hoovering you after no contact. If you completely cut ties with them after giving them the breakup speech, their pride will be hurt more than anything else and their attempt to get you back is more for their sake than yours. Their feelings have been hurt and they will not allow that. They see you as having the upper hand in the situation and that is also not allowed. They see getting you back as a goal and a way to boost their self-esteem.
While most people would try to find ways to boost their self-esteem by doing things they enjoy such as working out, buying a new wardrobe, or getting into a new hobby, narcissists will hoover to ease their hurt pride. They want to prove to you and themselves that they can get you to speak to them after no contact. It’s more of a game to them. Pride can ruin almost any relationship. It is one of the many reasons for the victim running from the relationship.
Number 2: Rejection.
One thing a narcissist hates more than anything is rejection. The mere act of rejecting a narcissist can send them into a downward spiral. They will feel out of control of a situation if this happens. If you reject them and then decide on cold-turkey no contact, then the narcissist will feel the need to hoover more. This may make them show up at your work or house to try to win you back.
A narcissist hoovering after no contact is usually very persistent and charming. When they are pushed away and told they are no longer wanted, that will make them want to fill that void even more. When the narcissist hoovers, they may use guilt trips. In a non-aggressive way, they will turn it around on the other person and try to convince them that they are the reason for the relationship failing. They will also mention how rejected they felt and how hurt, but they are willing to forgive the other person and move on from the situation.
With the right victim, this can truly work and the victim is sucked back into the toxic relationship. The narcissist realizes the cycle is back again, and will then continue to mentally abuse the victim. The victim will not even realize after a certain point that it is a vicious cycle that usually takes outside help to break out of. This does not mean all victims do not realize it on their own, but about 60 million people are affected by narcissistic abuse, and only a small number leave on their own.
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