1. Superficial charm.
The second reason why somebody still loves the narcissist is that this is around the superficial charm that we see that’s fairly common with narcissism and with a related constructs psychopathy. A lot of times, when we see narcissism, we also see psychopathy, both possess a superficial charm. And this means that the initial presentation can be very strong. It can be very convincing. A narcissist has a lot of charm, and that charm is enough to get the feelings of love going.
Another activity that narcissists engage in is referred to as love bombing, and this is really a constant barrage of gestures like, flowers, going out frequently to the movies, or to the theatre, or dinner, a number of text messages expressing affection, the appearance of being very thoughtful.
Now, of course, with the narcissist, this stops, but the memory is still there, the feeling is still there. So sometimes you look at superficial charm you see the real power is that it is in fact charming. The fact that it’s superficial or temporary may not really matter because the effect that the charm was supposed to get already occurred, so you already fell in love with a narcissist, and then, of course, that charm ends.
Related to this, we also see grand gestures. This is fairly common with narcissism. And this is when somebody does something really noticeable like buying a really expensive ring, proclaiming their love in front of a large group of people. So, sometimes people will describe this grand gesture component as being swept off their feet, somebody’s sweeping me off my feet. So this can also be like the superficial charm quite powerful.
We could also look here at this social dominance and confidence that we see with narcissism. It could be related here in terms of, it’s very appealing, the superficial charm is appealing. And when somebody is really confident and dominant in social situations that can be appealing as well, even though that’s a characteristic that lasts a long time, again, the charm ends, those characteristics would not end.
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