1. Praise another.
Praise someone else in front of them. That’s all it takes. Remember, we are dealing with people who are fundamentally constitutionally fearful, frightened, insecure, shame-based little cowards, and bullies at their core. That’s the truth of what we’re dealing with when we’re dealing with destructive narcissists, right? So they don’t like it when someone else is getting applause, getting praise, even if the other person fully deserves the applause and the praise.
So you praise someone else in front of a narcissist, and that will cause them to come undone to some degree, if not entirely, depending on the circumstances. Even if they have to wait till they’re back in their car or behind closed doors to fall apart. They don’t like not being the center of attention, not being the one who is the most beautiful, the most attractive, the hottest, the sexiest, the most superior in whatever way that serves their particular distorted perceptions of reality and overinflated, grandiose egomania.
So when someone else is getting the kudos that they deserve, the narcissist isn’t getting the attention that they desperately crave, that’s enough to cause them to crumble, which is by the way the reason they will do this to you. They love to play the game of triangulation. And they love to play the game of doing insane things with deliberate intent to cause you to feel insecure, fearful, and jealous, trigger any abandonment issues that you might be carrying unhealed, unresolved, that they’re aware of.
They love to poke into that wound, and they assume that you carry the same levels of jealousy and envy. So they assume that if they are giving attention to and praising another, you’re going to have the same feeling response to that situation that they would. Kind of crazy, but it’s actually how they operate.
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