#5. The pity party.
The pity party is the narcissist’s way of pushing your buttons without getting their hands dirty. And the goal is to either play on your empathy or on other people’s. Because even if you see right through their act, if they can get other people to feel sorry for them, you look like the bad guy.
You might hear things like, ‘Oh, did you know so-and-so is going through such a tough time?’ Or they mentioned how much they miss you. All of this, it’s all carefully crafted to tug at your heartstrings or to spark your curiosity. They might even pull the high road act. Suddenly, they’re telling everyone how they respect your decision and just want you to be happy. But it’s all part of their game. If they truly respected your decision, they wouldn’t continually talk about it to other people. They wouldn’t bring it up in conversation and act like they’re hurt.
But what they’re doing is they’re hoping this psychology will make you second-guess yourself, or at the very least, make you angry enough to call them on their BS. But it helps to look at it this way: every message, every coincidental update about their life, it’s bait. They’re fishing for a response, any response. Even your anger or frustration is a win for them because it means that they still have some control over your emotions; they can still pull your strings. But again, this is not about reconciliation or growth. Especially if you’ve been through this before, you know they haven’t changed; they’ve just changed tactics. You can read here why narcissists won’t change.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
#6. Guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail.
Think of it this way: they’re not just tugging at your heartstrings now, they’re trying to tie you up with them. This is where things get really manipulative. Suddenly, everyone’s worried about their mental health or physical well-being. Or maybe they’ll go the family route: “How can you do this to your children, your parents, your siblings?” They’ll paint you as the villain who’s tearing the family or the friend group apart. Never mind that they’re the ones spreading this narrative. And here’s the worst part: they’re banking on your empathy and your kindness—all those traits they used to exploit. Now they’re using them to try to drag you back in.
But if you’re starting to cave here, remember that you are not responsible for their emotions or their actions. This is nothing more than another cruel tactic designed to make you abandon your boundaries.
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