Tip One: Accept that they are unlikely to change.
This is the first and most important step. Many of you know me, and you know I was a psychotherapist for 20 years, helping people with boundaries, difficult relationships, and anxiety, right? But one of my clients once told me that she had been told by somebody else when she went on a date to put “as is” on the person’s forehead. So, this is not uncommon, particularly among women, although it really could be anybody. But you’re dating somebody, and you might be like, “Oh, I like this, I like that, but I don’t really like that, but I can change it, I can change it.” No, “as is.” You get the person “as is.”
So this client of mine told me that she was given that as dating advice, which I thought was great, brilliant in fact. And I realized we should be putting “as is” on most people’s foreheads. But in particular, if there’s a narcissist in your life, put on their forehead “as is” when you talk to this person, when you think about interacting with the person. Know you get this person “as is.” If they have a personality disorder, it’s pervasive and enduring, unlikely to change.
Tip Two: Don’t take anything personally.
The Narcissist will compliment you and make you feel good when it’s in their interest. The Narcissist will criticize you, demean you, and belittle you when it’s in their interest. It really has nothing to do with you. So, if you take nothing personally from The Narcissist, not the good stuff, not the bad stuff, don’t take it personally. The Narcissist will project onto you what they feel about themselves. So, they’re likely to call you a narcissist if they ever get the sense that you think they’re one, right? But they will throw onto you what they might feel about themselves, or they will throw onto you what they know will get you to do what they want. So, don’t take it personally.
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