3. Watch Out For Cognitive Dissonance.
The third thing that I want you to become aware of is to watch out for cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is something that we do in our own minds to facilitate answers and to get some sort of reality or commonality. Putting some meaning into a situation to understand something better.
So when someone goes to us, we begin to think, well, everybody’s bad, or the people that we meet on dating sites are all bad, or the people that we meet on social media are all bad, or we rationalize their behavior, or we ignore it. So we rationalize it. They must have done this because of this, or we ignore it and we really kind of we still have the pain within us. But we haven’t really dealt with it or we turn it in on ourselves, and say, I must have done something wrong, I must be not good enough, I must not be a good enough catch for this person because otherwise. This wouldn’t have happened.
So I want you to be aware of that because that’s where the mind starts to go. There’s no way someone would just stop communicating with me if I was all that, you seem to say, they would just not stop communicating with me because we have all these questions. And so we’re trying to rationalize why would somebody do that.
I want you to be really careful when you’re doing that because usually, we turn it within ourselves, or we begin to make universal beliefs. Everybody on the dating site sucks or everybody is mean, or I don’t want to ever do this again. So we internalize that, and we have a lot of fear of putting ourselves back out there.
4. Realize It’s Not About Your Value.
The next thing I want you to do is to realize that it’s not about your value. When we get ghosted, we begin to doubt ourselves, worrying about what is wrong with us? Why did they leave? There must be something wrong with me because they left.
When someone ghosts you, it shows that they actually have the problem, not you. They don’t have the emotional intelligence necessary to have communication and to actually tell you how they’re feeling. Perhaps they also are afraid of commitment, and they didn’t have the ability to convey that, or they were wanting something like casual sex, or they could have even been married.
So the thing is we don’t really know what happened, but we know that they were unable, to be honest, and truthful because if they would have been, we would have understood the situation, and we could have parted ways with, maybe not being happy about it, but we would have had the knowledge to understand why the relationship is going to break up from Here.
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