1. They’ll downplay your strengths and their own weaknesses.
When the narcissist sees that you’re growing stronger and more independent, they’ll attempt to undermine your confidence by downplaying your strengths. They might say things like, “You think you’re so clever, but you’re not as smart as you think you are.” Or, “You may be good at your job, but you’ll never know what it’s like to play at my level.” So why do narcissists do this so consistently? Well, it’s super convenient for them when you doubt yourself and your own abilities, because if you were to recognize your own strength, you would no longer be vulnerable to their manipulation. And by diminishing your strengths, they hope to maintain their power and control over you, because that is what’s most important to them in the end.
And so all the while, while all this is going on, they’re also downplaying their weaknesses and their abuse. So if you point out their flaws or hurtful behavior, they might say something like, “You know, nobody’s perfect,” or “You have just as many issues as I do. Don’t act like you’re better than me.” They’ll never acknowledge their weaknesses or admit to their mistakes because that would mean giving up some of their power and control. But remember, you’ve gotten too strong for their games. Keep playing your cards right and remember that you have more power than you know.
2. They’ll make you feel unworthy.
As you start growing stronger and more independent, they might say things like, “You’re lucky to have me because no one else would put up with you,” or “You’re so needy and clingy. It’s pathetic.” The narcissist wants you to believe that you’re not good enough for anyone else, so they want you to believe that there’s something inherently wrong with you and that you should be grateful that they’re even giving you the time of day. And so here’s why they do this: because if you were to start recognizing your own worth, you might actually realize that you deserve a whole hell of a lot better than their abusive behavior.
And so what happens when the narcissist can’t quite get you to buy into that false narrative that you are unworthy? Well, they’re going to try and convince others that you’re just not a good person. So they might gossip about you behind your back, telling mutual friends or family members that you’re crazy, unstable, or just plain difficult. By making others question your character, they hope to isolate you from your support system and make you more dependent on them. But here’s the thing: you actually are holding the winning hand. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it, so keep playing your cards right and trust that you have the strength to come out on top. Faith in yourself in these difficult times is so important, so do what you can to try and keep that up.
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