First question: Why do you act so nicely before strangers? Why do you wear a mask?
You certainly want to be friendly and pleasant when you’re around strangers or people who you do not know very well. When you meet them for the first time, you do not see it as a fresh report opportunity to manipulate them through your fakeness and get them to like you. But narcissists, when they see the same people, they see them as a black slate to write whatever story they want to. Their superficiality kicks in and they make up all sorts of stories to influence the other person’s emotional state and get admiration, adoration, and attention from them. The new person walks away thinking what a great person they are when it is all an illusion the narcissist cast for them.
Related: 9 Demeaning Things Narcissists Say.
Question number two: Why are you so threatened by my differences?
Your difference of opinion, preferences, thoughts, and feelings is a major threat to a narcissist because difference means the lack of control and the rejection of their authority over you. They need you to agree with them, feel what they think is the right thing to feel, and choose what they believe is best for you. When you do not do any of these, they see it as a violation and a form of rebellion. They’re stunned and shocked by seeing you being you. It’s as if you have betrayed them by expressing yourself. Your identity has no place in the relationship. You are an extension which has to do what they think you should do.
They can’t see beyond themselves and need everyone to conform and act as per their standards. If that doesn’t happen, they feel you and others involved have been unfair towards them. Also, considering your perspective or giving your opinions some space would mean accepting that they may be wrong or not know something as fully as they claim to. Giving your opinions space would take the focus away from them and they won’t be able to be the center of the universe anymore. They feel threatened by your originality, so they try hard to change or destroy it.
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