1. Slow things down.
The best way to detect a narcissist at the beginning of a relationship is simply to slow things down. The narcissist wants to get you under their spell as quickly as possible. They will consume all of your time and energy. They don’t want you coming up for air because they don’t want you to come to your senses.
So pace the relationship, slow it down, pull away slightly… if you’re with a narcissist, they may agree verbally to slow things down, but they’ll actually speed things up. They’ll push harder, call more often, show up on unannounced, buy more gifts, or put irresistible offers on the table, like suddenly they want to take you on an extravagant trip.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Don’t mistake this perseverance for love, take it as a sign that they will not respect your boundaries, or if they don’t push harder, they may move on and find someone else very quickly, and if they do that, you may be left wondering if you just missed out on the most amazing relationship ever. You didn’t. You just dodged a bullet, so if they react harshly, angrily, or even pathetically, or ignore your request to slow things down or discard you, that’s a sign that they’re toxic.
2. Tell them about one of your boundaries, any random boundary, and see how quickly they test it.
With a narcissist, you’ll feel fairly insecure early on. You’ll feel the need for more boundaries as the relationship moves forward. Whereas in a healthy relationship, it’s the opposite. The more you get to know the person, trust naturally develops over time and you feel less of a need to protect yourself.
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