Number 1: If you can discuss relationship issues rationally.
If you can discuss relationship issues and problems rationally with your partner most of the time, then you are probably not with a narcissist. Now, in any relationship, there will be fights or times when things get emotionally heated, and sometimes, nasty things are said. But usually, most of the time, you can talk to your partner about things that are bothering you, and vice versa, without them shutting down, getting defensive, attacking, or stonewalling you.
With a narcissist, you don’t feel safe talking to them other than maybe at the very beginning of the relationship.
Number 2: When your partner admits when wrong.
If your partner can acknowledge when they do something wrong and they can authentically apologize to you, they can take personal accountability for their behavior and express genuine guilt and regret, they can take measures to correct their behavior without you demanding or directing them to, then they’re not highly narcissistic.
Again, your partner may not always be willing to take responsibility, but a narcissist will never truly take responsibility or express guilt, even when they’re caught red-handed. They may put on a show for you or express shame, but if you listen, they don’t really feel bad about hurting you; they feel bad about getting caught or about how this might affect them.
Number 3: When they listen and show humility.
If your partner shows humility and wants to learn from you or from others, they listen to feedback without overreacting, and they’re willing to accept that maybe you know a thing or two based on your life experiences, then they’re not likely a narcissist.
A narcissist wants to be the teacher and place themselves above you. In the beginning, a covert narcissist may pretend to want to learn from you, but soon, they will have none of your wisdom.
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