Number 1. Your capability to keep taking on the abuse.
The first thing that a narcissist looks for is your capability to keep taking on the abuse. What I mean by that is that a narcissist, in the beginning of the relationship, is quite amazing, and shows you the brighter side, the kinder side, and the affectionate side. But at the same time, they do something that I call mini Discards, mini Devaluations to check what your level of Tolerance is. They are testing the waters to see if you can take their abusive Behavior. If you are the one who justifies abuse because of your past experiences, if you’re one who can oversee or not see their true nature, if you’re someone whose boundaries are weak.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
For example, they could give you silent treatment. They could throw a tantrum, they could devalue you subtly and covertly, and see what you do. They may cut you off a little bit, and stop messaging you as intensely as they did in the beginning. And then if you come after them, that is what they need. A narcissist needs someone who needs them, who runs after them. And if you do that, that is how they make sure that you are the premium kind of Supply.
Number 2. How big of a giver you are.
The other trait they look for in their potential supply is if they are a giver or not. What I mean by that is if in your childhood you were abandoned and your primary way of connecting is overgiving and oversharing and self-sacrificing, they would test it out. They would, for example, ask for things, make ridiculous demands, and see if you can say no or not, see if you have certain limitations or not. If you don’t, that is all good. And once they know you don’t, they go all the way in, and slowly, that turns into them treating you as a garbage bin because they know, no matter how they treat you, no matter how much they take from you, you are still going to be there, which leads us to the trait number third.
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