7 Things Narcissists Fear The Most

7. They Fear Being Average.

A seventh thing that a narcissist can fear, and this kind of takes the number six and then puts a little bit of a different spin if you’re being average. For example, I’ve had situations where let’s say somebody marries a narcissist, and then that narcissist is brought into that new person’s extended family or Friendship Circle, and they realize, ‘Well, everybody else already has a connection with this first person.’ And the narcissist, thinking, ‘I’m just somebody that’s an appendage over here,’ and rather than thinking, ‘Well, let’s take time and let’s allow the blending to come in and I’ll bond overtime,’ it’s like, ‘I don’t want to just be some sort of Wallflower over here. I don’t want to just be known as an average person that just blends in.’ And they don’t like being unknown in circumstances. They want to be regaled. And then when someone else gets the spotlight or when somebody else is hailed as being somebody who’s really good and man-worthy, the narcissist is thinking, ‘Well, what about me?’ And they fear being seen as somebody that’s just kind of a member of the middle of the pack.

Now, let’s keep in mind that most of the time when you are in the presence of a fearful narcissist, it’s going to come out as anger. But there are a few things that I’m hoping you can hold on to so that you can maintain your objectivity with these individuals.

First, and this is what this article is all about, know what you’re dealing with.

This angry narcissist is really a childish person who feels so much need to be special, and they don’t know what to do, and they’re highly sensitive when somebody doesn’t give them that special treatment.

Second, don’t get caught in their game.

If they start getting into the ‘you owe me’ or ‘here’s what’s wrong with you’ kind of mindset, rather than thinking, ‘Oh no, I can’t do this. I can’t believe that you’re thinking that way towards me,’ which means that you’re operating out of your fear, let them be what they are because you’re not going to make them change. The narcissist actually likes it when you go into your defensive pattern because that allows them to falsely assume that they have momentary superiority.

Another thought and that is to let yourself be you and don’t apologize for being you.

The fearful narcissist wants to put all of it on you because that takes them off the hook. In their minds, that exonerates them. Let them, but then you can also have the notion that says, ‘I am what I am, and if you’d like to get to know me in an authentic way, then we can actually have a really healthy relationship. But if that’s not something you’re interested in, I’m okay with that. It doesn’t require me to have to apologize for being me.’

A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

And then finally, if necessary, if this person is too exaggerated in their fears, move on.

Now, sometimes you need to move on physically and just get away from them altogether. Sometimes the circumstances are not such that you can do that, but you can at least move on psychologically and engage with people who do know and appreciate you for who you are. Don’t let the narcissist’s fear trigger your fears. Keep your inner peace, even though that’s not a person of peace that’s in front of you.