5. Make false accusations.
They will accuse you of things that you absolutely did not do. And this can come in a few different forms. So, the narcissist may accuse you of being a narcissist. They may accuse you of gaslighting. And they may overreact and exaggerate your behavior to accuse you of something that you’re not really doing. This one is hard to believe until you actually experience it. But it kind of reminds me of the scene in a movie where somebody starts screaming, ‘Why you’re touching me?’ when the other person isn’t really touching them. It’s like they’re trying to make a scene and call attention to something that’s not actually happening.
But so, in a conversation, it might look a little something like this. Let’s say you’re divorcing a narcissist, and you’re having a conversation about custody. These conversations are never fun, no matter who you’re talking to. But when you’re talking to a narcissist, it is especially difficult. So, you’re trying to keep things civil. You’re trying to be fair because you don’t want to fight, and you want what’s best for the kids. So, you’re just discussing things. There are no decisions being made. You’re just talking about what you want and what they want.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
All of a sudden, they start screaming that you’re taking the kids away from them. You’re going to leave town, and they’re never going to see the kids again. It goes from here to here with no real explanation or input from you. They’ve just decided that you’re doing this thing, and now you have to defend yourself. Now you have to explain that you’re not doing this thing at all. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, this is a manipulation tactic, and it often leads to a smear campaign. False accusations are very much meant to intimidate you because you naturally start thinking about what other people would think if they believed this ridiculous lie.
6. The smear campaign.
The smear campaign very much can start with false accusations, but it doesn’t always. Sometimes there’s a kernel of truth in there. The purpose of the smear campaign is very much to discredit you so that anything you say about the narcissist, people won’t believe you. But it’s also to get a reaction out of you. This is one that I think people don’t always see right away because when someone’s smearing your name, your instant reaction is going to be to fight it, and that’s exactly what they want.
Because the more you fight, the guiltier you look. So, if you don’t have to fight, don’t give the narcissist what they want. And there are some times when it seems like what the narcissist wants is to shut you up. It seems like they want to keep you quiet and to get you out of their life. And that can make you want to be louder, and that can make you want to fight harder. And this, it’s all pure manipulation. They don’t want to keep you quiet. They want your fight. Don’t give it to them.
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