Number 4: They are afraid of being ridiculed.
You might be surprised to hear this, but narcissists are also afraid of being ridiculed. Have you ever made a harmless joke only to watch a narcissist’s face darken with rage? It’s surprising because, compared to how they’ve roasted you, it was nothing. Yet to them, it was inexcusable, and not only that, you’re a terrible human being for treating them so poorly.
Narcissists are notorious for being able to dish it out but not being able to take it. They’ll be brutal in their mocking of others, but for them, being the butt of a joke is a full-blown threat to their very existence. You see, narcissists fear ridicule because it exposes them in a way they can’t control and strips away their carefully built sense of superiority. When they’re the target of jokes, they assume there’s a deeper, darker meaning behind it. If you’ve ever noticed, narcissists often use humor as a weapon with a sharp, cutting edge that really shows their true feelings.
That brings to mind one of my favorite sayings: “The greatest truths are said in jest.” This couldn’t be more true than when a narcissist is mocking you. In mocking you, they’re using humor to mask their own insecurities and subtly assert dominance while maintaining plausible deniability—”Oh, you know, it was just a joke; you have no sense of humor.” But when the tables are turned and they’re the ones being laughed at, they will instantly—no matter what the situation—take that joke as a sign that you think you’re better than them. They absolutely cannot stand that.
Number 5: The fear of being exposed.
I want to ask you: have you ever caught a glimpse behind a narcissist’s mask? It’s like suddenly all the smoke and mirrors vanish, leaving only a vulnerable, insecure person desperately trying to keep up appearances. This mask can slip in so many ways, some subtle and some obvious. One way that’s obvious is when a narcissist is caught red-handed.
Maybe they’ve been lying about their job title for years, and you meet a coworker or catch a glimpse of their email signature, finally learning the truth. They’re likely to explode with accusations of snooping piled on top of a whole lot of gaslighting. For a narcissist, the fear of exposure runs really deep because their entire persona is built on a facade. Behind the scenes, they’re hiding a whole web of flaws and dark secrets—things they can’t afford to let anyone see.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
So, the thought of someone pulling back the curtain and revealing who they really are is terrifying; it threatens their control and the image of perfection they’ve worked so hard to create. To keep those secrets hidden, this is something that you need to know: they will absolutely go into full-on defense mode, blame-shifting or discrediting you before you can even get close to the truth. So, if they start doing that, just know you’re on to something.
But for the narcissist, it’s all about keeping the attention off themselves, which seems like a counterintuitive thing for a narcissist. But really, what they’re trying to keep the attention off is their true selves because they want to deflect any potential exposure. If they can make you look like the problem for the moment, they can stay safe from that scrutiny. It’s all about protecting that false reality they’ve built to keep themselves feeling powerful and in control.
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