Number 1: The narcissist’s fear of criticism.
Yes, narcissists cannot handle you saying they could have done anything better or even different. Constructive criticism is always going to cause conflict with a narcissist, but even with years of experience walking on eggshells around them, you can still be caught off guard by what they see as criticism.
For example, maybe you ask them to sit at the dinner table instead of eating on the couch, and suddenly they fly into a fit of rage. After about 15 minutes of screaming, they’ll tell you that you’ve challenged their integrity. There were no deeper conversations had out loud, but in the narcissist’s head, there was a whole lot going on. And it’s not always rage that comes out. Sometimes it’s the silent treatment, guilt-tripping, or good old blame-shifting to make you the bad guy.
So now, once they’ve done this and your head is probably spinning, let’s unpack what’s happening here. Narcissists fear criticism because it challenges the perfect image they’ve carefully crafted for themselves. They do have an inflated sense of superiority, but underneath it, their self-esteem is extremely shaky. When someone points out a flaw or offers feedback that doesn’t align with their idealized view, it feels like an attack on their identity.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Criticism forces them to confront imperfections that they’d really rather ignore, and that’s honestly something they can’t handle. It threatens the control they try to maintain over how others see them, and even the smallest critique can feel like a huge blow to their fragile ego. Instead of seeing criticism as a chance to grow or improve, like you might if you’re emotionally healthy, a narcissist will see it as a direct assault on their worth. That’s why they react so defensively or even lash out in response. They simply can’t tolerate anything that contradicts their need to be seen as flawless.
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