Face 1: The Stoic martyr.
On the surface, he appears calm and in control. He doesn’t complain in obvious ways. Instead, he sighs, tightens his jaw, and retreats just enough to make you feel that something’s wrong. But he won’t say it. He expects you to notice, to ask, and to give without him ever having to voice a need. He never asks for comfort or support directly; instead, he presents his suffering as silent and noble, expecting others to take care of him intuitively. His pain becomes the unspoken priority in the room while everyone else’s is quietly dismissed.
In this dynamic, emotional care flows in one direction—toward him. If you express your own needs, he’ll downplay or ignore them. If you share something painful, he’ll reframe the conversation to make it about his deeper suffering. This isn’t real stoicism. Real stoicism involves self-regulation and emotional responsibility—something covert narcissists are incapable of. This, instead, is a performance, a way to extract empathy and attention without taking any emotional risks. The stoic martyr doesn’t have to yell or rage to stay in control; his suffering does the work for him. It makes him the center of attention without looking needy. It keeps you in the caregiving role, always proving your loyalty, always trying to soothe what he won’t name.
Related: If They Talk Like THIS…They’re a Narcissist.
Face 2: The sarcastic dominator.
He doesn’t raise his voice or argue outright; instead, he punishes through mockery, thinly veiled insults, and backhanded comments. His sarcasm is constant, and it’s almost always aimed downward, meaning to undercut, belittle, and destabilize. It’s not just that he makes jokes at your expense; it’s that he does it with a smirk in front of others and then watches how you react. If you show hurt, he’ll accuse you of being too sensitive. If you confront him, he’ll insist it was a joke. The cruelty is always disguised as humor, giving him plausible deniability while keeping you off balance.
Over time, this wears you down. You begin second-guessing your reactions, wondering if you really are too sensitive or too emotional or too dramatic. And that self-doubt is the point. If he can keep you questioning yourself, you’ll stop questioning him. In social settings, this face is especially dangerous. He knows how to turn a group against you without ever appearing hostile. He’ll say something designed to embarrass you, then watch others laugh—all while acting like he’s just being playful. Meanwhile, your discomfort becomes the entertainment. This isn’t about wit or playfulness; it’s about dominance.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
