#2: Staging a fight at a very inopportune time.
This one is especially cruel because it’s not just about leaving; it’s about making you feel like you’re the problem. More often than not, it happens when you’re at your lowest. Maybe you’re grieving a loss, maybe you’re struggling with your health, or maybe you’ve just lost a job and are trying to figure out what’s next for you. These are the moments when a lot of people would step up to support their partner, no matter what. But a narcissist? They see your vulnerability as an inconvenience—or worse, they see it as an opportunity. Instead of offering comfort, they’ll start a fight out of nowhere. You’ll be blindsided, trying to figure out what you did wrong, why they’re suddenly acting so cold, and why they’re making everything harder than it already is.
But the truth is, they aren’t actually mad at you. They just need a reason to leave that lets them off the hook. Because if they just walked away without a reason, they’d have to face the fact that they abandoned you in your time of need, and narcissists don’t like looking like the bad guy. Instead, they’ll manufacture a reason, turning your grief, your struggles, your pain into your fault. They’ll say you’re too negative, too much, too difficult to be around. Suddenly, instead of focusing on what you’re going through, you’re left defending yourself, begging them to stay, and maybe even apologizing for things that aren’t even your fault.
But here’s what you need to know: this was never about you. This was about them not wanting to deal with your feelings, about them wanting an escape hatch, and about them making sure they leave in a way that keeps you questioning yourself instead of seeing them for who they really are.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
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