Number 7: They’ll play amateur psychoanalysts.
If criticizing and shaming you doesn’t have the desired effect—and, in particular, if they receive any pushback from you—they’ll pull the amateur psychoanalyst routine, where they’ll start using your disclosures against you. Now, what I mean by this is that the moment you resist and they can’t succeed in manipulating and controlling you through toxic shame and criticism, they’ll begin to point to anything they’re aware of, especially anything related to your previous relationships, that might cast you in a negative light.
They’ll use anything they can from your past or your present, for that matter, pointing out any trauma or dysfunction stemming from your family of origin, even any difficulties you might have had within your friendships—sure to highlight all of your so-called issues and shortcomings so they can build the case, making you the problem, not only in the bedroom but in the relationship in general. And if you haven’t done your work, you might fall for this crap. So please do your work so you aren’t so susceptible to this brand of emotional and psychological abuse.
Number 8: They’ll use withholding to punish you.
Along with emotionally immature and irrational outbursts when they don’t get their way or get what they want when they want it, narcissists will use withholding behavior as a means of punishing you. For what exactly? Who knows, but you’ll know it’s happening because the rejection will cut deep. It’s real, and it’s painful, and that’s the point.
In this vein, they’ll also have a tendency to ignore you after s£x. Remember, a narcissist uses s£x as a means of validation. If you’re cooperative enough, you fulfill their addictive, compulsive need for admiration and attention, so this means that after s£x, they don’t need you anymore. Their needs are met—for now, anyway—and know that they don’t need anything from you; there’s no need to pay attention to you, right?
Either way, ignoring you is very much how the narcissist withholds intim@cy, since the s£x is only about the ego gratification the narcissist receives, instead of being about a genuinely intim@te and emotional connection like it would be with normal people. This is the classic swing between love addiction and avoidant behavior, because the truth is, narcissists are fundamentally incapable of true intim@cy, which is one reason the relationship with these people will be so painful, confusing, and frustrating.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
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