5. You’re Supposed To Be On My Side.
When a narcissist is in a disagreement with another person, they often use this gaslighting term. You also point out that the narcissist acted inappropriately- this honesty offends narcissists. They expect to be surrounded by supporters who support them no matter what. This demonstrates that they are unwilling to reflect on and develop themselves. They simply want to be assured they’re correct, even if they aren’t.
Narcissists frequently place their loved ones in a moral quandary. They don’t want to support someone who has done something bad, but they also don’t want to oppose a loved one. This leads some people to believe the narcissist is correct, even if they know deep down that they aren’t. But the truth is that anyone, regardless of their relationship with you, can make a mistake. If they’d acted immorally, they have no right to expect your constant support- that is unreasonable, unhealthy, and unfair.
4. I Was Only Joking.
When you confront a narcissist about their insults, they often use this gaslighting term. Rather than accepting responsibility or apologizing, they claim you misunderstood their joke. As a result, the guilt is effectively shifted to you. It states it wasn’t meant as an insult, but rather as a joke and you misinterpreted it. It’s a smart strategy to get away with offending you because they have the option to return it. If you call them out on it, they’ll claim it’s a joke.
A Book: Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed– by Wendy Behary.
Whether it’s a joke or not, their rude and negative statements have an impact on you because your brain is still processing them. They are also getting stronger and more regular over time; their purpose is to provoke doubt. The victim is expected to believe they behave inappropriately or that they are too sensitive or ignorant to recognize the remark as a joke. However, the truth is that it was not all like that.
3. You’re Over Sensitive or Overreacting.
When you protest about a narcissist’s words, they may accuse you of being oversensitive, similar to “I was only joking.” This shifts the blame to you and your reaction once more, allowing the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility and reflecting on himself. Someone who genuinely cares about you and isn’t out to hurt you would take your issue seriously. Rather than ignoring it, think about it.
What’s more telling is when they continue to make the same jokes in the future. This demonstrates that the intent is to damage your emotions. This is claimed to make a victim feel guilty for being upset about whatever the abuser said or did. Few things can shut a person down faster than shame, and when a person is shut down, they are less likely to complain about the abuse.
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