6. Calculated Moves.
This moment will serve me later. Everything they do is a calculated move. There is an outcome in their mind, even in moments that should be spontaneous. If they are putting effort into pleasing you, it’s not out of love; it’s because they know they can use it as a weapon later. We know very well how they withhold s£x to break you, punish you, and to destroy your character. When they intend to use s£x as a tool, they’ll remind you of that particular night when you try to set boundaries. They’ll say things like, “Look at everything I do for you,” or “You should be grateful because that night when you were in the mood, I gave in, but look at you now. You hardly care for me, do you?” You will get to hear this mostly from a covert narcissist who intends to guilt-trip you.
7. Replaceability.
I can replace you anytime I want. There is no exclusivity. There is no specialness. It’s not about, “Oh, this is just between you and me.” In their mind, there’s always a comparison. There’s always a choice going on—thinking about other people. In their head, they are sleeping with somebody else; they’re doing it with a certain person, their crush, their next supply, maybe a celebrity—anybody except you. I would say that’s a betrayal. It says a lot about their character and how they are not present in the moment, enjoying it with you. They make you think their body is connected, so they must be connected.
No, it’s just their flesh. But the soul inside that flesh is totally missing. As sadistic as this may sound, they thrive on knowing they have multiple options and they can compare you with them without you knowing. They do not want to feel dependent on one person. This is why they often devalue and discard people so easily, because in their mind, you are replaceable.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
8. Weaponizing Intimacy.
I will use this against you when I want to. For most people, physical intimacy is a place of safety. For a narcissist, though, it is a weapon. They store details of what you like, what makes you vulnerable, what insecurities you reveal, and later they will twist those things against you. They will shame you for what you enjoy or what you may have experienced. Let me give you an example: let’s say you share with your narcissistic partner that you do not like to do certain things because you’re a survivor of childhood trauma and childhood s£xµal abuse. It is very triggering.
In the beginning, they might sound respectful, but later on, they will create an issue and say, “We are not able to enjoy our life and we’re not able to get really close because of your issues, and you are this way because of what has happened to you.” They will do the things to you they know have been done to you by a predator. Would you believe that? Who does that? And this is not something that I feel they do. Countless people have shared their experiences with me, and it’s beyond heartbreaking. Have you experienced something like this? Let me know in the comments.
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