3. Selective Generosity.
The third thing that goes through their mind is, “You better appreciate this because I do not give this to just anyone.” This is one of the greatest lies the narcissists tell themselves and to you as well. Deep down, many of them know they’re cheaters, that they do not experience love or real passion. But instead of admitting this, they reframe it in their mind as selective generosity. They think of physical intim@cy as a gift they’re bestowing upon you. That is grandiosity—not something they are sharing with you. If you do not respond with enough gratitude or servitude, if you do not seem fully mesmerized by them, they will feel insulted. They may even punish you for it later with emotional withdrawal, criticism, or by sleeping with other people and then blaming it on you.
4. Objectification and Control.
You exist to serve me. That is pure objectification, isn’t it? For a narcissist, everything in life is transactional, including intim@cy. It’s never about you, no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise. Even if they seem passionate or attentive, it is because they are playing a role, securing their position or ensuring future control over you. They may fake enthusiasm, fake effort, or even fake passion. But deep down, they believe your purpose is to serve them, to validate them, and to make them feel special. If you ever demand reciprocity in this context—if you say, “Oh, I like this position,” or “I would like you to do these things, and this is how we can spice up things”—they’ll go crazy. They will call you all sorts of names and put you down. They’ll lock you in and will want you to just lie there like a corpse and let them do things to you. That’s beyond painful.
5. Manipulating Responses.
I need to control how you respond. A narcissist does not want you to enjoy the act; they want you to enjoy it exactly how they want you to. They want to control your reactions, your emotions, your pleasure, and your submission. Let’s say you had a fight with them. Who wants to be physically intimate after an intense fight? Nobody. But they would force it on you. Why? Because that is all about how they control the act, how they control your submission. And if they get it from you, that is the ultimate thrill in the process of doing so. That’s the ultimate victory. While forcing things on you, they will watch your face carefully—not because they care about you or how you feel, but because they love the fact that they are able to make you do things against your will. If that is not evil, I do not know what is. And once the act is done, they’ll just leave you there and fall asleep like a baby.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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