1. Ownership and Possession.
The narcissist’s mind during physical intim@cy is not filled with passion or care. It’s calculating, cold, and twisted. It’s a battlefield where they must win; an opportunity to gain power and a moment to secure absolute control. And as you lie there, literally thinking you are in the arms of someone who desires you, their thoughts are far from what you believe. They’re not lost in the moment; they’re not overwhelmed with love; they’re thinking about themselves—only themselves, should I say.
The first thing that they think about is ownership: “I own you.” To a narcissist, intim@cy is all about possession. The moment you give your body to them, they register that act as absolute surrender. In their psychotic, delusional mind, it is the proof of their dominance over you. It means they have secured another layer of control, another way to manipulate you. They do not see you as an equal partner in this experience, who needs to be taken care of. They see you as an object, a belonging, a thing they have just claimed. This is why a lot of narcissists lose interest after the chase, and that’s why it’s so quick with them. Once they feel they have taken you, the game is over. Their need for conquest has been filled, and now you are nothing more than an item on the shelf of victories.
2. Performance Over Connection.
This is a performance, and I must be the star. It’s all about comparison. While you may be focused on the connection between you and the narcissist, they are focused on that performance. “How am I doing in comparison to the last person she or he may have slept with? How am I doing in comparison to how it was when we were intimate the last time?” That is what goes on in their mind, as shocking as it may sound. They’re not thinking about how you feel; they are thinking about how they are making you feel. They’re thinking about how they look, how their body appears, how powerful they seem, how skilled they are.
If they sense admiration in your eyes, it fuels their ego; it pumps them up. If they think they’re impressing you, they’re melting you; they feel powerful. But if they sense boredom, detachment, or even emotional closeness—like you want more than that robotic act—their energy instantly shifts. That’s why they become aggressive, disengaged, or critical. They’ll say, “Oh, I don’t feel like doing it because I just feel you are distant,” or “You are not performing well,” or “You do not look good enough,” or “You smell.” There will come flaws that may be either insignificant or non-existent in the first place.
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