3. They promise to change.
If what we mentioned above doesn’t work, and if the typical guilt trips and gaslighting do not work in persuading you to come back, if they are really backed against the wall, then they may express that they didn’t realize you felt this way and that now that they do they will change. They will usually try and get you to pity them, talking about how abusive their childhood was, or how they were mistreated and how that has led them to behave behaving in the manner that they have. They will definitely go for hitting your pity button, your empathy button, and your compassion button in order to manipulate you into coming back.
This is usually a very vulnerable time for the victim. If you are being subjected to this blatant manipulation tactic, you must be strong. It’s critically important that you stay grounded in the reality that you know is true and not given to feeling sorry for them. Pity is a very powerful tool and no one knows this more than the narcissist. However, usually, people who end up being with a narcissist have extraordinarily high levels of empathy. We are usually people-pleasers who do not want to see anyone suffer, even if that person is our abuser.
Many times, people have had traumatic childhoods and do not choose to become abusive. Their abusive behavior is a choice, you must remember that. So do not allow yourself to be manipulated by the new storyline of poor pitiful them because it’s a manipulation tactic plain and simple, and the narcissist has no intention of actually changing and actually holding themselves accountable for their deplorable and abusive behaviour.
The only thing they are thinking at this point is how to get you back, playing the role that they have given you as quickly as possible. They are also saying these things because they are backed into a corner. So please, do not believe the sob story, the poor me story because abuse is an absolute choice.
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