The test is all about setting BOUNDARIES. And in the early phase of getting to know someone, boundaries regarding your time will be the best way to test this individual because Narcissists usually want to monopolize your time during the love-bombing phase of a friendship or romantic relationship. So, observing how they respond to your boundaries regarding your time will be very crucial. Narcissists hate rules or restrictions being placed upon them. If you give them a rule, they will look to break it because you are telling them what they can or cannot do when it comes to you.
And this is where the control aspect comes in because when a Narcissist is in a relationship with someone, they want to be the one in control. They also feel entitled to your time, assets, etc. So, for example, if you tell the Narcissist not to call or text you after 8 PM because you are going to be busy studying, in church, or doing whatever; you can be sure they will find a reason to contact you and may even show up at your home, church or wherever it is you said you were going to be.
Related: 10 Weird Habits Of A Covert Narcissist.
And added to that, they will try to appeal to your empathy by saying that they either forget, they really missed you or they find it difficult not being able to hear from you. They basically try to give the impression that it is a punishment for them to adhere to this boundary that you have set. It is all about trying to make you feel guilty so that you forget the fact that they didn’t respect your wishes or your time and you end up just focusing on how it made them feel.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Narcissists are very manipulative and acting vulnerable and appealing to our empathy is one of the major ways they try to excuse their behaviour. It can be easy to get pulled into just wanting to do what the Narcissist wants, but this would actually be the prime time to let them know that it is unacceptable and that you would appreciate it if they do not do it again.
If you are dealing with a Narcissist, this will turn them off. Because not only were you protective of your time but you also did not give in to their manipulations, and you stuck to keeping those boundaries in place. And because the Narcissist does not respect you or your wishes, they will take offence, they will retaliate by going silent, probably wanting you to beg them to communicate with you again. What I can guarantee is that there will not be a mature response and there will be a clear change in their behaviour towards you.
Related: 9 Behaviors of Wives Who Are Abused By Narcissist Husbands.
Narcissists are extremists.
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