3. I Love You.
The third and final thing a narcissist wants to hear is I love you. They want to know that you love them and care about them because then, they know they’ve got you right where they want you. I know these are wonderful things that you can tell to a normal person, but not to a narcissist. Know I love you I miss you I need you, not only does it feed their ego, but when you make these kind of statements to a narcissist, what they are hearing is use me, lie to me, cheat on me, abuse me. You stating that they matter to you or that you care about them is to them a free pass for them to treat you as they wish.
Your love is not going to make them better or cause them to treat you better, quite the opposite. Not saying I love can be tricky for some people, and I’m thinking about those who still have a narcissistic parent, partner, or family member that they still have relations with, as these words may still be used because for you, you genuinely still do love them in spite of all the crap, all the lies or the manipulation; some people are still in a place where they still have feelings and care for a narcissist or whatever reason. But for people in that situation, I would advise using those words like I love you sparingly and with caution.
Another instance is the love-bombing phase of the relationship. You may have realized that the narcissist said these kinds of words very often. Words like I love you, I need you- these are phrases that they may utter numerous times in one day during the love-bombing phase. But this is a part of the brainwashing process because, usually, when someone says I love you, you feel inclined to say it back. And when they are telling you like 10 times a day and you are saying it back to them as well, you end up brainwashing yourself into thinking that you are indeed so desperately in love with this person and that you need them as much as they need you.
Highly Recommended: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse
But this would also be why this card for some is so traumatic. You were actively entranced into the world of the narcissist on so many levels. Some people are able to break free from the trance before the discard, others not so lucky. And then, the discard ends up being a rude awakening that shut-ins their world.
And that is why I say that I love you are some of the most dangerous words that you can ever say to a narcissist because, for them, it’s like you’ve just given them permission to use and abuse you. Also, beware of the ex narcissist partner who uses these words to try and get you back in. Do not believe the lies, there is no second chance for a narcissist.
The narcissist does not know what true love is, but then, it’s just about taking, taking, and taking, until there is nothing left.
So those are the three things that I think the narcissist wants to hear from you. None of it is because they care or want to help, quite the opposite. They are looking to destroy you or sabotage your efforts. Keep what’s close and dearest to you from the narcissist. Set boundaries and do not ever trust a narcissist.
