Another very disturbing factor that plays into this relational dynamic is that the mother uses her son as a surrogate spouse. The relationship and its complete lack of having any healthy boundaries become emotionally incestuous. Meaning, the mother is sharing information that she should not be sharing with her child. She starts depending on her son to meet her emotional needs that her husband or partner should be meeting.
So for example, she may start using her son as a confidant, and this boy becomes his mother’s surrogate companion. Another factor here is this mother is adoring this boy and at the same time extremely controlling over him. As he gets older, it’s not uncommon for this mother to rely on him as she would a spouse, needing him to make her decisions or manage her affairs.
The reality is, this mother doesn’t want her son to ever leave the nest completely. She wants him at home with her and for them to be dependent on each other. The relationship between the narcissistic mother and her enmeshed narcissistic son is parasitical. She feeds off her son. She grooms her son to believe that his purpose in life is to exist for her. To be the never-ending narcissistic supply that she requires, and to put her needs, her wishes, her desires ahead of everyone else’s, especially this son’s partner or spouse.
Revenge: How to Beat the Narcissist- By H.G Tudor
So for those of you unfortunate enough to be in an adult romantic relationship with this mother’s son, what does that mean? Where does that leave you?
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