Sometimes we have to interact with arrogant and arrogant people. They speak and think only of themselves and do not want to hear anything about our feelings, experiences, and emotions. Empathy is not at all peculiar to them, and next to them we experience … shame. Who are they? And why do they allow themselves so much? In the article, we will figure out what the concept of narcissism means in psychology, what manifestations it can have, and how to live and communicate with narcissists.
Narcissism in psychology: what it is?
The term “narcissism” in psychology appeared in the days when the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud lived and worked. The basis of the term was the personality of Narcissists, a youth from myths who was so much in love with his reflection that he could not take his eyes off it. He remained delighted only with himself. Everyone has known about daffodils for a long time, but there are still a lot of them among us. We can face manifestations of narcissism in personal relationships, at work, and simply on public transport.
Narcissists are people who require special treatment. They are incredibly arrogant. It seems to them that they have exclusive rights in any situation, so they can behave as they want. At the same time, such a person often has very unstable self-esteem hidden inside, in which his own grandeur is combined with insignificance.
The two types of narcissism.
And here, it should be said about what types it is customary to divide narcissism in psychology. It is divided into the so-called “benign” and “malignant” types.
“Benign” daffodils
“Benign” narcissists in their manifestations of narcissism are close to neuroticism, that is, arrogant behavior becomes their defensive reaction. In fact, such people don’t feel their own greatness and worth. Presenting their achievements to the world or demonstrating exclusivity. They try to prove their own importance.
The main problem of such a narcissist is the fact that he himself does not believe that he deserves love and a good relationship just like that. It seems to him that he constantly needs to win in something and achieve something so as not to feel bad. He will confirm his own uniqueness through new and new achievements. He himself will feel only a fleeting satisfaction from victories. The psyche will demand more and more.
Such a person always participates in a kind of race for medals, which never stops. He seems so fragile and illusory to himself that criticism is able to unsettle him and destroy him in a second. By the way, the narcissist does not always talk about real achievements, sometimes it is exaggeration and bragging.
“Malignant” daffodils
But “malignant” narcissists are completely different. They really revel in their importance, power, and influence on other people. Their self-esteem can be incredibly inflated, and they don’t even notice it. They will build all relationships with other people according to the principle of the master and the slaves around him. This also applies to their careers and family. You should not think that you can rebuild such a person, since they are capable of only sucking out all the vitality from others throughout their lives.
The line between these types of narcissism is rather blurred and subtle. The best way to understand who is in front of you is to show empathy. Empathy towards this person. The neurotic narcissist is more likely to open up and trust in return, to reveal his “bright side”. A malignant narcissist is not capable of empathy – he will only “feel” your weakness and use it in his selfish interests.
Manifestations of narcissism.
The manifestations of narcissism differ depending on the degree of the disorder and the situation. There is a stereotype that narcissists are more common among men, but this is not the case. It’s just that women’s narcissism may differ from men’s.
Narcissism in women
The narcissist woman considers herself very attractive and desirable by everyone. She uses this to show her superiority over others. Often the desire to improve oneself leads to a large number of plastic surgeries.
Narcissistic ladies hide their self-doubt very deep inside. The conviction that they are special comes to the fore. These women often compare themselves to others to make sure they are more successful.
They love money because they believe that it allows them to have status and power that makes it possible to dominate the majority. These ladies spend a lot, buying things that shouldn’t be worth buying. They do not feel remorse.
As for children, narcissists love to raise their own kind. Often such mothers choose one favorite child and praise him. And putting much more effort into his development. At the same time, other children do not feel good enough for their mother’s love. As the child of a narcissistic mother grows up, she continues to attribute to herself all his achievements because they emphasize her oneness.
Such ladies are very fond of all kinds of competitions. They even perceive close people as rivals, with whom they participate in the “life competition”. Any opportunity to surpass someone in something is important here.
Narcissistic disorder in a man
Narcissistic men are usually very well-groomed and attractive in appearance. They use it to pursue personal goals and move up the career ladder. As a rule, daffodils are good at love affairs. To seduce a partner, they turn on their charm to the maximum.
Narcissistic gentlemen are usually self-confident. They are comfortable living next to those who, in their opinion, is much worse than themselves.
Male narcissists will earn their living in any way. They may even commit a crime in order not to be left with nothing. Money is an important part of their life.
In personal life, the typical narcissist tends to cheat on his girlfriend or spouse. He wants to get more attention from women. Like women, men with the narcissistic disorder are very competitive. Any victory is important to them, even if it is over their own wife or child. They need to win dominance all the time. Narcissistic disorder in men can manifest with these and many other symptoms.
Narcissism in psychology: reasons for its appearance.
The reasons for this disorder are hidden in childhood. Usually, psychologists identify two main options for the development of narcissism:
1. The first option is the absence of full-fledged love and acceptance in the family since childhood. If the mother does not provide the child with the necessary support and love, and there is no person in the child’s life who can teach him to love, he will no longer seek this love but will redirect it to himself. He will feel like no one needs him all the time. And even if he encounters feelings, he will not believe in them.
The kid will conclude that if no one loves him, then he must love himself. But the need for love and warmth is very difficult to give up. Anyone needs an idealized parenting image. Since it is not possible to form this with real parents, the child comes up with his own ideal image, which he strives for. This is how the striving for victories, power, and grandeur appears.
Such an attitude of parents towards a child deforms his personality so much that in the future he cannot build normal relations with people. On an unconscious level, a person feels that a great danger lies in the relationship. It seems to him that others are only capable of changing and betraying.
2. The second option is just the opposite. The narcissistic disorder can manifest itself if the child is raised like a star. Praising him, demonstrating the superiority of the child over others. A kid who is persistently taught from childhood that he is a “master”, a “king” who has no equal and whose desires must be fulfilled unquestioningly, can carry these principles into adulthood.
Such a grown-up child can only see service personnel in everyone around him, those who must follow his expectations and do everything for the comfort and pleasure of such a narcissist.
It rarely happens that the narcissist fails to idealize even himself. There was so little good in life that it was impossible to form an ideal image in the psyche. Then the person focuses on the bad. If the narcissists become aggressive and angry, they destroy everything around them.
Latent personality narcissism
Latent narcissism in psychology is also quite common. the narcissists want to be unique, but this creates an internal conflict for them. They grew up in families where they were constantly prevented from expressing themselves. To get approval and love, it was necessary to be passive, “not stick out.”
Like open-minded narcissists, closed ones consider themselves outstanding. But in fact, they are much weaker and defenseless. These people do not directly declare their uniqueness. They choose a book, a poet, a singer, a hobby who are endowed with these characteristics. They feel important through interaction with their chosen love object.
These types of narcissists are often passively aggressive. They try to disappoint others all the time. They can promise something but not fulfill, and then enjoy the reactions of upset people. Latent narcissists usually do what they want, at any time, and then try to make themselves a victim.
When you communicate with such people for a long time, it begins to seem that you are going crazy. They say one thing all the time and do another. Relatives begin to doubt the reality of what is happening. Narcissists begin to blame their partners for things they have never done.
These people behave very differently in different situations. They are unpredictable. In public, they can be cute and bright. And at home, they can be cruel and evil. This uncertainty is evident in everything.
How to communicate with narcissists.
How to deal with narcissists? What to do if you are faced with obvious manifestations of narcissism? For example, arrogance, inability to empathy, delusions of grandeur. It is best to discuss this directly with the person who rejects you. In the case of a “benign” narcissist, you can show empathy and try to awaken his “bright” side, to reveal his vulnerable part, which is hidden behind the mask of a cold self-lover.
This can help in some cases, but “malignant” narcissists do not care about other people’s feelings. This method will not work with them. How do you protect yourself?
1. Try to look at the situation from a different angle. You will not in any way influence the world or the behavior of another person if he himself does not want to. Don’t take the other person’s point of view if you don’t want to. After all, there are seven billion more people on the planet. Choose someone else for pleasant communication.
2. Reach out to your strengths. List your five best qualities. Think about how each of them can help you cope with the situation. Keep calm and take care of your psyche.
3. Don’t date such a person. Try to minimize contact, although this may not be easy at first. You will see the pros after some time.
4. Find a benefit in the situation. Feel what is causing you the greatest rejection, the greatest response. Perhaps these are the traits that are fundamental to you. By observing the narcissist’s behavior and reactions, you can learn more about yourself. This can be useful for developing conflict resolution skills and personal growth.
5. Learn to understand the behavior of others. If the person does not have a serious disorder, it may even be helpful to consider their traits. The study which part of his personality he uses most often and which, on the contrary, does not pay due attention to.
Always think about your own well-being because the narcissist will definitely not take care of it. Protect yourself and take care of yourself.
Is it possible to cure narcissism?
Yes, the treatment of narcissism is possible. But there is usually long psychotherapeutic work behind it. Modern therapists have many tactics and strategies in their arsenal for dealing with such clients.
It is clear that drugs for narcissism have not been invented. Therapy is needed. Also, clients are often prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. These are the main groups of drugs that are used to treat mental disorders.
However, narcissists are not often seen by psychotherapists and psychologists. They do not feel problems in their behavior. They are satisfied with such communication and lifestyle. Convincing the “malignant” narcissist of the need for therapy is almost impossible, and even useless. For psychotherapy to be beneficial, a person must have a sincere desire to change and work on himself.
Most often, these patients come to specialists because of depression, anxiety, or some kind of addiction. For treatment, psychiatrists and psychoanalysts use the methods of the founder of self-psychology Heinz Kohut and the representative of the theory of object relations Otto Kernberg. If a person is successful and adapted, he objectively has no reason to suffer, but he is depressed enough, self-psychology is chosen. Object relations theory is more suited to dealing with “malignant” narcissism, which is associated with aggression. Psychodynamic therapy is excellent at treating these disorders.
Often, before going to the therapist, the patient does not know that he is a narcissist. The specialist usually does not announce the diagnosis immediately., but at a certain stage of treatment, when the person can accept it. It is not known if it is possible to completely recover from a narcissistic personality disorder, but it is certainly possible with the help of therapy to make life much easier.
Narcissism in Psychology: Summing Up
Now you know what the concept of narcissism means in psychology. Try not to get involved in close relationships with narcissists because they can seriously harm you. Choose the right behavioral tactics if you still had to face such a person. Take care of your mental health as well as the health of your loved ones.
If you have difficulty dealing with narcissists or you notice this behavior, you can make an appointment with a psychologist. Our experts will definitely help you to know yourself better and improve the quality of your life.
Read more: Why Do Narcissists Cheat | Top 5 Psychological Reasons
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