3. Focus on yourself.
Now last, but certainly not least focus on yourself. Focus on your healing and your recovery, not just paying lip service to do the work, but actually doing the work, not just consuming content watching YouTube video after YouTube video, although it’s helpful to gather the information it can be validating. It can be empowering to understand what the hell has been happening to us and for many of us, our whole entire lives. So that can be helpful, but I promise you that is a small percentage of the game.
That’s all about intellectualizing the problem, not actually coming down into your body, feeling, and healing, right? There’s a big difference. At a certain point, we have to stop consuming information only. And we actually have to start beginning to do our own healing and recovery work. And coming down into our body and actually feeling what it is that we don’t want to feel so that we can fully up-level shift and heal it permanently.
If we don’t do that, what ends up happening is we simply continue to repeat the patterns; might be a new person, might be a new relationship, might be a new employment environment, a boss, colleagues, might be a new friend, a new neighborhood; geography can change. The faces can change, but the patterns continue to play out on repeat until we do our own healing and recovery work.
So it’s vital that we stop standing still and go inside and do the real work of healing and recovery to understand what is it that’s going on inside of me that continues to attract this type of empathy-impaired, manipulative, toxic, abusive, harmful individual because. At a certain point, we have to stop playing the victim. As much as we’ve been victimized, we have to decide, “I’m not going to unpack there. Yes, I’ve been victimized, doesn’t mean I have to live my life as a victim.”
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
So at a certain point, we have to put that down and pick up radical responsibility for ourselves, radical responsibility for our own lives, radical responsibility for our happiness, our health, our wellbeing, the quality of the life that we are living, and that radical responsibility in the realm of codependency, adult child syndrome, and narcissistic abuse healing and recovery requires that I take responsibility, not for them and their behavior and all of their nonsense, but for what’s going on inside of me that continues to live out this pattern on repeat unconsciously, subconsciously going on in my life.
What’s going on inside of me remains unhealed, unrecovered that needs to be looked at and addressed, and healed fully permanently once and for all so that I no longer find this type of individual compelling and attractive. Because let’s be real, we’re drawn to them as much as they are drawn to us. So what’s going on inside of us that is continuing this phenomenon, happening in our lives? It’s not a function of a lack of information only. That’s a small part of the game.
So focus on yourself, focus on your own healing, your own recovery, actually doing low work, not just paying lip service, not just consuming content but actually doing the real work, focus on that stuff. And this is how we shut down the narcissists in our lives without ever saying a word. We become healed. We shift, we up level, and our energetic force field shifts. We learn to set healthy limits and boundaries.
Read More: 8 Ways to Make a Narcissist Respect You… Forever.
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