Number 2: Let them be forewarned.
Again, while maintaining eye contact as well as a confident posture, give them a half smile, chuckle, or communicate your exasperation and rapidly diminishing patience by breathing in and exhaling nice and loud like this (sighing). This lets them know in no uncertain terms that you’re onto them. And if they persist, it’s not likely to go well. Always strive to be the bigger person, remain calm, poised, polite and respectful, and stoic even. But that doesn’t mean you have to be anybody’s target. You’re no pushover but neither are you easily baited, triggered, or manipulated.
Number 3: Put them on the hot seat.
Once it’s clear you’re dealing with someone intent on either offending or getting a rise out of you, put them on the hot seat by calling out their poor behavior. You can do this simply by asking a direct question like, what do you think you’re doing? Or, what are you trying to accomplish by saying such a thing? Or make a clear and direct statement like, that’s an interesting remark. I wonder why you’d feel entitled to say such a thing. And silence.
Maintain strong eye contact, and a confident body posture, and breathe into your body and not another word. Another good one, a sponsor I once worked with many years ago taught me this, simply say, can you repeat that please? This causes them to have to say what they’ve just said again, now with all eyes and ears on the situation, not only do they have to hear themselves and the ludicrousness of what they’ve just said, but everyone else gets to hear it loud and clear too for what it is. When they repeat the cheap shot or insult or passive-aggressive dig, just reply with, oh, I thought that’s what I heard. And silence, not another word.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
While you sit there calm and strong, maintaining eye contact and maybe a knowing look or a half smile. Now if when asked to repeat what they just said, they reply with something like no, just shake your head and say, yeah, that’s what I thought. And sigh with exasperation, letting them know you’ve just exposed them for the coward they actually are.
The point here is to expose them and their toxic little antics while simultaneously remaining completely unfazed, while also clearly communicating that again, you’re nobody’s pushover, not a good target here, go find someone else to play with.
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