2. All Covert Narcissists Are Not The Same.
The second thing I think everyone should know about the covert narcissist is that they are not all the same, and this can go for all types of narcissists out there because, at the end of the day, there are different levels of narcissism. Generalizations can be made about covert narcissists like they are evil, emotionally immature, cowards, but then the details may differ with some being more extreme than others.
Let’s face it, some covert narcissists are closer to being malignant narcissists than others. I have heard some absolute horror stories, which leave me shaken, but then there are others that don’t come close. Let’s look at it another way, we know there are many different types of feeds: There are like the opportunist ones who are in the right place at the right time and will take what does not belong to them. Then there are the professional thieves who go out of their way to plan a heist and can be very efficient. Then there are all the others in between.
Some are better at it than others. Some a combination like a car thief can also be an opportunist thief on the side. They are at different levels, but they are still given the broad label of a thief. Well, it’s the same with covert narcissists, some covert narcissists are more covert than others. Some can even be a mix of covert and overt. Some covert narcissists are more abusive than others. And some keep their abuse on the insidious level that I spoke about earlier, while others if they know they will get away with it will become more direct with their abuse and we are talking verbal and physical abuse.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Remember, narcissists love to push boundaries, and if they know they can get away with something, they will do it. So if this factor is in place, there is no limit and their victims are probably too scared of them to take the necessary action to expose them or are actually codependent or enablers to their toxic behaviors.
I needed to address this because some people think that all covert narcissists are covert with their abuse, but there are those who take it up a notch. All abuse be covert or direct is bad, but the misconception that covert narcissists only abuse covertly is not accurate. I lived in a home with a covert narcissist dad and mother who is codependent, and my dad has been both physically and verbally abusive to her.
The physical was not too often and has now stopped, but he is still verbally abusive at times. And he does it because he knows he’s going to get away with it, he knows my mother is not going to leave him. I believe there are things that can cause a covert narcissist to be more overt in certain areas of their lives.
One of the major culprits is their addictions, especially if it’s drugs or alcoholism, like from my experience when my father did get physical, it was when he came home drunk after a night out. There was a period in his life when he was an alcoholic.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
We already know that covert narcissists come in all shapes and sizes and have various economic and academic backgrounds, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised if some of them can be more stealthy than others, and also get away with more direct forms of abuse. But even though the abuse is no longer covered, it’s still not known because the victims do not speak up.
So to summarize, the two things I think everyone should know about the covert narcissists are that not only are they difficult to detect, but they are also difficult to expose, and that all covert narcissists are not the same.
Read More: 9 Signs You Are Dating a Cheating Narcissist (Red Flags)
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