As they grow into old age, their fragile, false sense of self tends to become harder to maintain. Their strength begins to fail, their looks have faded, and they can’t really do, physically, the things they used to be able to do. There’s also less of a s£x drive, so it can be even harder for them to try to fool themselves.
Now, they may spend a lot of time reliving their glory days, trying to impress others with their past achievements and victories. Today’s generation will never be capable of the things they were able to do. Today’s generation has it so much easier; they have to strive harder.
Then there are those who, rather than grow wiser with age, can still be quite immature. For example, the temper tantrums are still there if they don’t get their own way. Sometimes, they can become more vitriolic, more vindictive. So, they may not necessarily mellow with age.
As the years go on, that might manifest itself in going on about how unfairly they believe they’ve been treated—how they have been victimized by everyone else, their failed relationships, the times when their schemes backfired, and the times they had to pay the consequences for their own actions.
They may claim that they had to sacrifice their dreams for others—for example, their partners or their children—but no one appreciates it. They might feel a lot of bitterness toward their exes or anyone they believe has wronged them in some way. The more time they have on their hands, the more time they have to ruminate over things and become more resentful.
I often think of narcissists as having a long memory. Narcissistic wounds from even decades ago can still feel as raw and as fresh today as they did back then. So, they remember all the perceived wrongs that have been done to them but maybe forget the times when they were selfish and hurtful to others. Some may even forget the vengeance they have already taken out on those people from years ago.
Narcissistic people generally don’t accept any responsibility for their behavior and hate being exposed for their actions. They will always see themselves as the victim, no matter how they have hurt or exploited others. So that destructive streak might still be present. The need to avenge themselves is still there, and this can be counterproductive because they may behave in a way that might ultimately push away anyone they have left.
Next, even as they age, they can still be coercive and manipulative—but maybe for different reasons. Now, if they are lonely and just want some company or need some help with something, they might find it difficult to just ask. So, instead, they may come up with different schemes to get what they want—even just what they need. Which, again, can be counterproductive, because sooner or later, people might stop offering help or simply become better at saying no.
Now, some of that manipulation could include guilt-tripping and shaming. They might say things like, “After all I’ve done for you, I haven’t much longer to go,” or “This is all going to your cousin,” or “This is all going to the Cat’s Home.”
Remember, their power and influence are decreasing, as the younger generations are increasing, and that doesn’t always sit well. They may have had a lifetime to learn how to manipulate and coerce others, just to keep some level of power.
Next—and this will probably be more common with covert narcissists—if they have had a history of mysterious ailments and illnesses, that might crank up a gear. There could be continued visits to the doctor, who is useless and can’t diagnose anything. None of their medication works; none of the treatment works. They are incurable and in constant pain. That old war wound, that old sporting injury, that illness they had—they never recovered from. Or that time their skull fell out—they are not long for this world.
When they’re with others, they may strain smiles to look as if they’re hiding pain—even when their own grandchildren are excited to see them—just to show how brave they’re being.
“You mustn’t worry about them; they’re gonna manage somehow.”
The curious thing is, though, they tend to be able to manage their illnesses and their injuries just fine whenever they’re taking part in something they want to do—or something they enjoy.
What we can see in narcissistic people who are in old age is a lifetime’s worth of destructive, antagonistic behavior, which ultimately can become self-destructive. Their behavior over the years has pushed so many people away that they feel isolated and lonely—or sometimes there might still be a lot of arrogance, but a lot less confidence.
As they become more frail and experience a loss of autonomy, they may have to rely on others for support. In many cases, their behavior has alienated them. Sometimes there’s little—if anyone—to reach out to. Sometimes, we may see what’s known as a narcissistic collapse. They may get to the point when they realize that they are nothing, they have nothing, there’s no one left—not even just for company.
They may have a ton of money, but nothing of any value to those they have hurt. All their lies, all their schemes, have failed. There is no one left to exploit. And they may become more desperate. That’s when they may become more open to being exploited and abused by others.
What Happens to Those Around Them?
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