Ageing Narcissists.
Well, first of all, if they didn’t make any real connections with people when they were younger—connections of any depth, any friendships or relationships—they may have had may have just ended. Those people may have just moved on. Some may have even abandoned them for their own safety, for their own good. But just like everyone else, they can experience loneliness. They can get quite depressed. But there is still a need for attention, for validation, for affirmation, and they may use whatever qualities they have or whatever wealth or resources they may have accumulated during the years to reel others into their lives or to try to reel others back into their lives.
Now, around middle age, many narcissistic people can experience denial. Many narcissists can be quite vain, believing themselves to be drop-dead gorgeous, very physically attractive, and they may well be. But the thought of losing those looks as they grow older can be difficult to come to terms with. Even in middle age, many narcissistic people can be quite touchy about their age. Some may even try to reverse the ageing process. They may spend lots of money on anti-ageing products, dye their hair, or dress to try to look younger. Some may look for younger partners or have affairs with younger people.
In middle age, it’s not uncommon for narcissistic mothers to try to look more like their daughters. It can be quite an ego boost to hear things like, “You look more like sisters.” Some may even flirt with or try to seduce their daughters’ boyfriends.
Narcissistic fathers may demand a high level of respect due to their perceived seniority, seeing themselves as no longer just the head of the household, but the head of the family. Their wisdom, their experience is always of much more value than their grown-up children. They may even try to outdo their sons, bragging about how they had achieved so much more by the time they were their age. Some may bask in the glory of their own children—those children they maybe held back, criticized, or sabotaged—taking credit for their achievements when they see them become successful in their own right. When others admire and respect them, they claim things like, “That’s all because of me.”
Now, if there are difficulties between them and their grown-up children, that adult child may have a partner, and they’re united as a couple, with good, strong boundaries in place.
The narcissist may try to bypass them and communicate directly with their grandchildren. Maybe even at a very young age, they buy their grandchildren mobile phones so that they are contactable. They might buy them gifts, trying to buy their love with things that perhaps the parents don’t approve of.
Suggested Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
When the parents don’t approve, they tend to look like the villain, which can be part of the narcissist’s plan. Now, if their children’s marriages break up, if they had a part in that breakup due to their constant interference, they may completely vilify the ex-partner, even trying to alienate their grandchildren against that parent. That being said, there have been some cases where, following a breakup, they actually side with the ex-partner against their own child. They listen to them, support them, and advise them.
What happens as they grow older?
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