Number 8: Do not share your child’s disclosures, especially when co-parenting with a narcissistic ex.
Here’s the thing, there are four things that a narcissist will inevitably do in this kind of situation. First, they’ll attempt to sabotage your child’s relationship with you. Second, they’ll use the child as a pawn to get back at or hurt you in some way, a big way if they can do it. Third, they’ll manipulate and exploit your child and their emotions to gain information about you. And fourth, they’ll also use your child to manipulate and influence your feelings and perception of reality. Knowing all of this upfront means, if you’re smart, barring an emergency or life-threatening situation, you’ll never tell a narcissist what your child has told you.
Recommended: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Unfortunately, you can’t control what the narcissist does or says, but you can certainly choose to leave your child out of it and mitigate any unnecessary drama and trauma that sharing your child’s disclosures with the narcissist will undoubtedly cause. Always strive to keep your conversations with your child or children completely confidential. Furthermore, do not share any significant information via your child.
Although the narcissist is likely to use your child to deliver information to you, you don’t have to play that game. It’s not your child’s job to be the messenger and deliverer of messages back and forth between their parents. So again, leave your child out of it, even if the narcissist won’t.
Number 9: No drama, chaos, or problems.
Do not inform a narcissist about any issues, struggles, problems, or challenges you have going on in your life. This goes back to number one, do not overshare, but it’s more specific. When we’re struggling, we’re often tempted to share about a specific problem we’re currently facing for any number of reasons, not least of which we’re looking for empathy, compassion, and support. And as the old saying goes, “stop going to the hardware store looking for milk.” A destructive narcissist does not have the capacity to empathize with your plight, never mind offering sincere compassion or any real support, not without strings attached they don’t.
In addition, given the opportunity, a narcissist can do and say things that will only make your situation worse than it already is. So don’t look to solve any kind of problem or issue you may be having by telling a narcissist. Instead, either go to safe people for actual wise counsel, guidance, and support or figure out how to solve your own problem on your own. Seek professional help if you need to, but never turn towards a narcissist.
The harsh reality is they’re likely to enjoy knowing you’re grappling with something difficult and take pleasure in the knowledge that things aren’t going all that stellar for you after all. Do not give them satisfaction. Again, don’t go to the hardware store looking for milk. They don’t have it to sell.
Read More: 8 Ways to Make a Narcissist Respect You.
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