Number 1: Do not overshare.
You should never share any sensitive or deeply personal information with a narcissist; nothing that they could potentially use as ammunition against you. Narcissists like to be in the know when it comes to the lives of others, and they especially like to gather a lot of personal data in the early stages of the relationship. It gives them a sense of leverage having power over you, and they are notorious for using your disclosures against you.
So learn to respect your own privacy and develop your ability to set boundaries. So when a narcissist is asking intrusive questions, you can handle that with elegance and grace and without discomfort. If you’ve already overshared with the narcissist, don’t sweat it. Just try to be more careful and discreet from now on. Again, it’s about learning to respect your own privacy as well as understanding that just because someone asks a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it.
When they’re being intrusive, a really good way to protect yourself in this regard is to not answer at all, or answer their question with a question as in, “that’s a really interesting question. Why do you ask?” Or “that’s a personal question. Why do you want to know?” And whatever they come back with, just say, “Oh”, and then not another word. If they persist, simply say, “I’d rather not say. Thank you.” And remember to breathe, stay out of your head, and remain in your body. This makes setting boundaries like this a lot easier to do.
And don’t forget, people with a destructive narcissist personality pattern will use any and all information against you once they realize they aren’t going to succeed in controlling, manipulating, dominating, or deceiving you. And this is when you’ll enter the devalue and potentially even the discard phase of the abuse cycle. When all bets are off, they’ll say whatever it takes to paint you the villain and themselves the victim, no matter how untrue, cruel, or bizarre their narrative may be. So the last thing you want to do is give them any additional ammunition to twist, distort, and use against you at a later date by sharing or oversharing with them unnecessarily.
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