Number 5: Boundaries.
Keep your distance emotionally and otherwise. Do not share, overshare, attempt to bond in any way, expose yourself, or give them any ammunition they can later use against you. Less is more with these people, always, and whatever you do, never, ever show any weakness.
Number 6: Limited engagement.
Low doses, minimal contact, and maybe even ultimately, full-blown no contact if that’s what’s necessary and appropriate. Be prepared to calmly end conversations, especially when it’s clear that you’re not being heard or the narcissist is deliberately misunderstanding and therefore, misrepresenting you and your motives. Just stop, mid-sentence if you have to. When everything you’re saying is being twisted, disregarded, or ignored, while everything you’re not actually thinking, feeling, or saying is being assumed and taken for cash, it’s time to stop engaging.
When you find yourself engaged in this type of circular, mind-bending conversation that’s going nowhere, stop, and again, mid-sentence if you have to, and walk away. It’s okay to take care of yourself by allowing them limited access to you. You do not have to answer the phone because they call, reply to every email or text, answer your door if they show up on your doorstep, nor do you have to participate just because they call a meeting for that matter.
The calling a meeting is classic, by the way, often under the guise of working things out or talking things through, which is more likely going to be a vampiric fest where you A, have your vital life force energy drained from your very being and B, you’ll be accused of doing all the things, all manner of things you never actually did, and therefore, you’ll be compelled to defend yourself. Don’t go there.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
In addition, you’ll likely be blamed for all the things, whatever has gone on, it’ll be all on you. And at the very least, you’ll leave feeling like your brain has been turned to scrambled eggs, and then it takes you three days to recover from the whole ordeal. So again, just don’t go there. Say no, thank you, and go live your life without all the extra nonsense and insanity. When people are genuine, that’s one thing, but when you know they aren’t by virtue of their behavior, their action, or inaction, never mind their words, words are easy, pay attention to their behavior.
Their action, as well as their inaction, will tell you everything you need to know. Remember, when dealing with a destructive narcissist, overt or covert, going no-contact is an act of self-love and extreme self-care, so give yourself permission to give yourself the gift whenever necessary.
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