1. They get mad at you for abandoning your responsibilities.
What are your responsibilities to the narcissist? Your responsibilities are to cook for them, to clean for them, to be their s.e.x object that they can use and throw, to tiptoe around them, to be hypervigilant at all times, to read their mind and know their unexpressed needs and meet them as well, and at the same time have no needs of your own.
You are not supposed to fall ill. You cannot get sick, you cannot have any weaknesses that we all have as humans because then they would hate you. Then that would become the reason for their devaluation. Once you fall ill or get sick, they cannot comprehend that you are not this idealized version that they have created in their head. So the moment you fall ill or you get sick, you are treated the worst for being weak, for being human. And that is when you are abandoned the most because you could not keep up with the standards that they had set for you.
Related: 9 Demeaning Things Narcissists Say.
2. They gaslight you and devalue you.
They gaslight and devalue you when you are sick and vulnerable to breadcrumbs so that you can feel taken care of by them. You need to understand that a narcissist does everything with a malicious intention. It’s not for you. It’s always for them, even if it looks like it is for you.
When you fall ill or get sick, they might take you to the doctors, and they might get you some medication, but just understand that it is done for the sake of doing it. They do not mean anything. They are not doing it because they care for you. They are doing it so that they could use it against you later in the future.
When you do not comply, when you do not obey, when you do not give in, they would revise the past and take you back and recall every single thing, every single penny they spent on you, and then create this sense of obligation so that you feel guilty. And out of that guilt, you do the things that you would not have done otherwise.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Also, if others are observing the narcissist in this moment, quite in a very calculated way, they will start taking care of you. They would become this nicest version of theirs that you do not get to see often, and then would do things for you, like cook for you, get you medication, or massage you, or do things that they would not have done otherwise, to impress others, to get their supply, to get their admiration and see what a wonderful husband he is, see what a caring wife she is? None of it would be true, but it would be done for adulation. It would be done for acceptance.
Again, this becomes an obstacle later for you because you can’t prove your point. You can’t tell the world that you have been dealing with a monster because the image that they have projected to the world does not match your version of the story. And that is when you get isolated the most.
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