Number 1: When you do not chase the narcissist to stay in the relationship.
Narcissists think that they are super charming, that they can get anyone they lay their eyes on, and that they can have any person in their life they choose to be with because everyone is into them. They see people as objects collectively and assume that everyone wants to be with them. So when you stop chasing them, their delusion gets challenged, and that makes them question their worth. That brings those insecurities to the surface.
And guess what? When these insecurities start coming to the surface, they hate you because they don’t want to face these insecurities. So they would rage. They would try to either win you back through hoovering or if that fails, then rage at you because you made them feel the insecurities that are already within them. So ignorance is death to a narcissist. It makes them wonder how you could not be into them when everyone wants to be with them. It is the ultimate injury to their false self.
Number 2: When you take a narcissist by surprise.
Narcissists like predictability because predictability makes it easy for them to control you. That’s why they are so calculated, and that’s why they know if they say something specific in particular, it’s going to elicit a specific and interconnected associated reaction from you. So they know how to make you feel angry. They know how to make you feel sad, which is why they know what you are going to do if they are going to act a certain way.
But if you take them by surprise, if you do something at the last moment and they can’t really read you, they can’t really guess you, it shocks them because when things happen at the moment, when you do something that they are not prepared for, they are at risk of being exposed.
A narcissist doesn’t want to be exposed, and at the last moment, if you present an argument or if you hold your cool, if you do not react, that debilitates the narcissist because they do not have the tools to deal with it. And that is when the narcissist is shocked to their core because they do not know how to deal with the situation. Since there is no predictability, there is no control.
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