1. Indifference.
The first thing that hurts a narcissist is one that you might hear talked about pretty often, and that is indifference. So, if you act indifferent to the narcissist, that will hurt their fragile ego because you’re not reflecting that grandiose sense of self that they have. You’re basically saying that they’re just like anyone else and they don’t really matter that much to you. And now this is one that I do recommend often to people who are dealing with narcissists. It’s not for the purpose of hurting them, but acting indifferent to them can help keep you safe from their manipulation and mind games.
So, if you were looking to get some revenge, this is a good one to try out. So, you might want to try a strategy like gray rock or what they call yellow rock. It’s just a different version of keeping this person at a distance and not showing any emotional reaction.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
2. Shame.
Another thing that hurts the narcissist is shame. And you will have seen this if you have witnessed narcissistic rage. A narcissist will get very angry when they’re feeling shame because they’re very much out of touch with their feelings of shame that run very deep. They try very hard to suppress them and not deal with those feelings, and that’s part of what this grandiose self-image protects them from. So, shame is very serious business for a narcissist. And if they are feeling shame as a result of something that you did or just in general, this is going to be very painful to them.
And I will say also, of course, shame is painful to all of us, and it’s also a good strategy if you have a narcissist in your life to work through your own shame because shame is how they trigger you. If they can find a hot-button thing that you feel ashamed about or if you just feel a deep sense of shame about who you are, they are going to use that maliciously to attack you. And over time, the more you’re exposed to it, the worse it gets. So, it’s really important to deal with your own shame. A narcissist will not. They will feel the pain, they’ll rage out, and then they’ll go back to the grandiose sense of self.
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