#1: It’s all your fault.
The first thing you’re likely to hear from a narcissist is some variation of “It’s all your fault.” So, yes, I yelled. Yes, I raised my voice. Yes, I stonewalled you. Yes, I cheated. But it’s your fault. This blame-shifting is very, very common when you’re dealing with a narcissist or another Cluster B personality. Any emotionally abusive person, really, especially narcissists, has trouble being held responsible for their actions. They can do all the bad stuff, but if you try to point out something that they did wrong, they may lie about it. And if they can’t lie about it, it becomes your fault. They need an out, and you’re that out.
But if you’ve heard this before, you should definitely know—hopefully you do know by now—that whatever the narcissist does, all of their bad behavior is not your fault. We all have to take responsibility for our own actions, and that includes narcissists, even though they never will. So whatever they do, you didn’t make them do it. Their reaction to whatever you did is something that they should own. They won’t. They can’t. But they should own it. It’s not yours.
Reading Suggestion: 7 Things Narcissists Do When They Lose Control Over You.
#2: Good luck replacing me.
The second thing that narcissists often say is, “Good luck replacing me. Good luck finding someone else to put up with you. Good luck finding someone else who makes as much money as I do or somebody who’s as attractive as I am.” When they say things like that, what they’re doing is trying to imply that you actually don’t deserve them and that they’re lowering themselves to be with you. So good luck finding someone else who would do that.
But if you’ve ever heard this, I hope your response was, “Thank goodness! Thank goodness I will not find another you.” Because the narcissist does not see that they have the flaws that they actually do. They don’t see that they’re emotionally abusive and that they’re destroying your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. They don’t see or take responsibility for the impact of their actions; they only see the grandiose version of themselves.
So why wouldn’t you be happy to be with them? But when they say something like, “Good luck replacing me,” or “You’ll never find someone like me,” an appropriate response is, “Thank goodness! Thank goodness if I never find anyone like you ever again, my life will be good.”
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