1. They Fear Being Disrespected.
The first thing, and this is kind of an easy one too, to say that a narcissist fear is they fear being disrespected. If you differ from that narcissism, if you have plans that the narcissist thinks, ‘I wouldn’t have done that,’ or if you have an idea or a thought that they just don’t understand, rather than saying, ‘That’s where you are, I’m in a separate place,’ okay, the narcissist interprets that as, ‘Are you disrespecting me? Do you know that I am?’ And they interpret respect as meaning you have to agree with me on everything. And so, they don’t know what to do when that is not forthcoming.
Basically, the narcissist wants to cry out, ‘I have to know that you think of me as a real somebody. You’ve got to treat me in a high and lofty way, and anything short of that is going to be construed as disrespect.’ And interestingly, they don’t actually show or give the respect toward you that they demand for themselves. We have a word for that, It’s called hypocrisy, but that’s how they operate. They fear being disrespected.
2. They Fear Being Abandoned and Rejected.
Now, taking that a little bit further, we can say a second fear that narcissists have is the fear of being abandoned and rejected. See, not only do they not want to be disrespected by you, but they interpret your negatives or they interpret your disagreement as just running away from them. It’s like as if you’re saying to the narcissist, ‘I just dismiss you. I don’t care about you. You’re a nobody.’ And the narcissist thinks, ‘I can’t handle that. I can’t deal with that. What do you mean I’m a nobody?’
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Now, you may not be saying those words, but that’s the interpretation they make. And interestingly, the narcissist, one of the reasons they keep hanging around with you is they see you as supply. They need you to be there and to be subject to them and to be subordinate to them because that makes them feel like somebody. And so, if you say, ‘You know what? I’m tired of this gig. I don’t really need to play my role anymore. Thanks, I’m not interested,’ then they’re gonna go into a panic mode because it’s like, ‘Oh no, now I’m all alone, and I don’t know what to do with that. Get back over here and play your role, will you?
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