#6: Genuine happiness.
Another thing that a narcissist will never have, and this one really speaks to the element of karma, is genuine happiness. Narcissists are always looking for external validation, and this is what we call narcissistic supply. It can look different for different people. Sometimes it’s a romantic partner; sometimes they bury themselves in their work. There are lots of different ways that a narcissist can get narcissistic supply. But all it is, essentially, is external validation.
We’ve all fallen into the trap of seeking or getting too wrapped up in external validation. So if you can relate to that, you probably understand very well that external validation brings something that feels like happiness, but it is extremely fleeting. You will get a dopamine hit from that external validation, but when the external validation leaves, so does the dopamine, and so do all of those good feelings. And then what you’re left with is yourself. As the saying goes, “No matter where I go, there I am.” You can’t run away from your problems, and you can’t run away from yourself.
So, if all you’re doing is seeking external validation and you’re not doing any inner work to help improve your own internal well-being, it’s not genuine happiness, and it’s not sustainable. And this is why narcissists constantly seek that external validation. This is why they are so driven to seek supply, because without the supply, what are they left with? There’s really nothing there. They don’t allow themselves the vulnerability to dig deep and even feel the negative emotions for too long, and they don’t have that deep-seated happiness that they might be after.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
So, they have no choice but to continue seeking external validation. And when that validation seems boring to them, or if they’re not getting as much validation as they wanted or needed in that moment, that’s when they’re going to start to devalue and discard, because they have to move on to the next. They have to keep going, keep running towards that new source of supply. And when you’re with a narcissist, it feels like you’re on a hamster wheel—like no matter what you do, you can’t get ahead.
This relationship that you’re desperately trying to save, for whatever reason, just goes nowhere. It just keeps going; you just keep spinning. And I suspect that the narcissist’s life kind of feels the same way—that hamster wheel. It’s a little bit different for them, but it’s a deep drive for that external validation, for that supply. They just have to keep going, keep running towards it in hopes that they will get it and that they will feel it—and they don’t.
But the good news is, if you feel like you’re on your own hamster wheel with a narcissist, you can get off. If you have the things that we talked about here today, you have the ability to get off that hamster wheel, and you have the ability to find that genuine happiness. So, instead of waiting for the narcissist to get their karma, understand that they’re already living it—that it is not fun to be a narcissist, even if they want to project that to you. And that the very things that they hate, the very things that they see as weaknesses in you, are the very things that contribute to your overall well-being.
Read More: 5 Weird Things Only Narcissists Do.
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